Wheel of fortune

Friday 21st March

I woke up early and a wee bit fuzzy but at least I was up and I had things to do. Fuzziness has never stopped me from doing things normally and I had high hopes for finding a new wheel today so I hit the town early. I met a guy last night who recommended CS Cyclemart as the best shop in town for a new wheel. I knew what road it was on so didn't bother getting a taxi and set off with broken wheel in hand to take on the bike world of Zambia.

I saw a few bicycle places en route so stopped in there on my way just to try my luck and got immediate no's from all of them. Mmm, doesn't sound promising I thought but I still had hope. When I got to cyclemart it looked good from the outside, much bigger than the others and the bikes inside looked the same size as Nigel so I was happy. I stepped up to the counter, "sorry, we don't have that size" ah, my high spirits did take a bit of a hit as the guy at the counter then moved immediately on to the next customer. "Well is there something we can do, ring someone else etc" I've not taken "sorry, no" as an answer this far, I'm certainly not going to let it happen in Zambia!

"You can ask this guy who has a shop a few km from here" the guy at the counter said as he wrote his number down. "I don't have a phone, will you be able to ring him from that phone?" I pointed to the phone on the counter. "That is the business phone only for business matters" "this is a business matter" I said. "No this is personal" he said. As I've said previously, customer service is lost in Africa but thankfully generous individuals aren't and the guy behind the counter then rung the man from his mobile. "He has two types that can work, he's on his way" Bam! That's what I'm talking about, I gave the guy behind the counter money for his phone credit and sat and waited for my new wheel.

The wait was agonising. The guy behind the counter kept getting phone calls and looking over to me as if it was bad news about my wheel. It never was, but I still hated it. Two hours went past and I was still sat in the bicycle shop. My fuzziness had been eradicated thanks to a sausage roll and a fanta that I had time to go and buy and eat before any sign of this new wheel. "How far did you say his shop was? A few km yeah?" I didn't want to seem impatient as I still had my fingers crossed the rim would work. There are no guarantees in Africa and so I kept shtum and sat it out.

The wheel guy arrived eventually (he had a puncture!) and one of the two rims he had looked good enough. The quality wasn't as good and the spoke formation wasn't going to be the same but width and circumference were the same and George from behind the counter said he could sort it for tomorrow so I was a happy man and ready to celebrate!

I had previously planned to meet Team Norway #2 for free waffles at the Norwegian embassy at 12 (its a Friday tradition apparently) but due to my stay in the cycle shop I was too late and aborted all plans for a KFC and a walk back to the hostel. I have to say that the KFC was surprisingly exceptional. I'm a massive lover of KFC and I can normally determine if I'm in for a decent feast of succulent chicken just on arrival. The chicken i thought would be dry as it was the last few pieces left in the cabinet but it turned out amazing and I sat alone but beaming as i enjoyed every last crumb of batter despite the 6yr old opposite me constantly stroking his cheeks as he looked at me which made me laugh alot but also made me very self conscious as to whether or not I had any facial clingons!

I left KFC feeling on top of the world and the fun continued as I wandered through the market to a Mexican wave-esque chorus of high fives and fist pumps as they all smiled and called me Jesus. I'm far from Jesus and I look more like a serial killer but after eventually getting my wheel and enjoying the best chicken meal in Africa, I can say that i was feeling pretty good so i didn't mind the ridiculous amount of attention I received in a 100m stretch of road.

As I walked back to the hostel I go to experience yet another Zambian downpour. It was quite as electrical or scary as my first but it was just as wet and so I had find shelter with around 20 others under a vegetable stall. The plastic bag and ground sheet roofing wasn't exactly water resistant and so to stop the whole thing collapsing I stood centre stage holding up a stick to ensure the water ran off. All the locals found it very funny and whoever drove past at that time would've probably had to make a double take at the random white pillar keeping the shelter from collapsing!

The rain didn't last long and the sky soon cleared to reveal the beautiful sunshine. The rest of the day was spent by the pool with a few beverages and some great conversations with a lady on holiday before working in Malawi called Jill, an Oxford university student researching for his masters called Sammy and then Team Norway #2 when they arrived back from the amazing waffles.

The good day continued to a great night and it was finished superbly with a pizza that I got with Astrid (Norway) and Jamal (a local that joined us half way through the night and kindly gave us a lift to the pizza place)

To quote a well known Pizza restaurant chain...good times.

Side splitting

Thursday 20th March

The lady at the bar made me a huge breakfast. A big bowl of curry with 4 boiled eggs cut in it and a heap of rice on a separate plate. I sat and ate it under a gazebo overlooking the vast green fields of nothing as the sun rose. Not bad!

I set off a little bloated but I knew I would burn it all off eventually if today was anything like yesterday. The road was bumpy and it didn't take long for the sore behind to take over thoughts and give me real hassle. I kept high spirits till a town called Chongwe where i noticed that the side wall on the rim of Nigel's rear wheel had split further. This was rubbing against the brakes and making an annoying noise but i thought it would be ok until Lusaka and then i could see if i could fix it there so I left it. I wasn't too fussed about it and I think the main reason I turned into Mr Grump was the lack of lunch.

I stopped for some food at a petrol station even though I knew I was pretty close to Lusaka, I just needed some biscuits to get me over the finish line i think. The road turned into beautifully smooth, velvet tarmac about 5 miles from the city centre so I was in a great mood as I coasted downhill to find my hostel. Standing tall on the pedals and letting the cool breeze soothe both sets of cheeks I was feeling pretty chuffed with myself that I had just completed another 5 day stint through the bush of Africa. Just as I started thinking about what I might do on my day off, the rear wheel answered my question but deflating almost instantly.

If Nigel had done that before I had biscuits then I may have been a little more annoyed but as always seems to happen on this ride, I was only a few miles from my destination so I wasn't too fussed, I just got off and enjoyed the walk in. Where my wheel had split had seemed to split my inner tube so unfortunately i couldn't just forget about the wheel, Nigel needed a new one!

I managed to find the hostel straight away and although the prices weren't exactly "hostel," I looked around and there were more people than just me and i could see a finely stocked bar so I thought I may enjoy some social time for the first time in a while and not even consider examining Nigel.

The first person I met was a guy called Dane from Bolton who worked at the hostel and he turned out to be the first of many people! In the evening I met a very cool guy from Johannesburg called Morne who was there on business and we hit it off straight away. From there we met a group of 10 Norwegian girls (Team Norway #2) who volunteered down in Livingstone and the rest of the night was really boring so I won't bother going into it...

I was very happy to finally arrive in Lusaka after that little hiccup in Luangwa Bridge which ended up turning out for the better. Nigel's problems are far from solved though and it seems yet again, my rest day will be spent hurrying around town looking for bike parts. Joy!

Call the doctor

Wednesday 19th March

My room wasn't actually sealed, the wall was about 8ft tall but there was no ceiling so this meant I could hear everything going on in the whole Guest House and that locking bugs outside my room was absolutely impossible. The lovely mini beasts I was treated with during the night were not Bed Bugs or Cockroaches or even Mosquitos. They were flying armoured Beetles about the size of a red Lindor ball but these flying tanks would not fill you with a smooth chocolatey sensational oh no. These beasts would buzz around the room and then land with the force of a decent flick from a middle finger. The majority of the time they would land on the Lino flooring which would just make a loud noise but every now and then I had the pleasure of feeling a flick to the leg or back.

After i woke up and got my things together I walked back to last night's food place for a hearty breakfast. I didn't go for fish, I stuck to Nsima and beef but it filled me up nevertheless. Knowing how delicate Nigel was, I hesitantly pushed down on the pedals to peel away for another day riding. I hate it when the chain slips anyway but when you have a crowd of around 20 people watching you, you don't want to give them anymore reason to point and laugh!

Nigel's condition was rapidly worsening and I had issues with him whenever the terrain changed. The ride seemed all uphill and so I had to use the lowest for the majority of the day. Even though some hills were shallower than others, Nigel's chain wasn't having any of it and the gears probably weren't to happy with me either!

I didn't have the displeasure of the chain slipping every few rotations by staying in the lowest gear but my legs were going like a hamster on speed. I was working at least twice, sometimes three times as hard just to cover reasonable ground. So with legs going ten to the dozen and most of the terrain angling uphill, I was hoping for a decent view. No chance. The grass either side of the road was so high still, I could see absolutely nothing. I can't say the experience was all too pleasurable as the pinching set in early and with increase in rotations, I wasn't far away from creating a bush fire!

35 miles down, but it felt like 50, I stopped for some more food. I had to cycle more in the second half of the day but I was hoping that maybe the terrain would level off and I could make up more ground in the second half of the day. I stocked up on more Nsima and took in lots of water. 

I was heading for a small village named Shingela. As always, no clue what it was like and no clue how the road was to get there but it was the route and I needed to stop somewhere! The sun was really beating down and to keep hydrated and high spirits, I made more of an effort to drink my water regularly. This led to a few more stops than usual and having to fill up my bottles with different things as bottled water is very hard to find in the really isolated villages. I had fruit punch (tasted like pure syrup which I actually liked) and then when I got to Shingela all they had was lemonade and lime. They had nowhere to stay either but thankfully I had been chatting to a guy at the fruit punch stop and he recommended a campsite past Shingela called Karibu.

I had no idea how far Karibu was and I was already exhausted but I had no really inviting choice other than to carry on going. My so called easy day turned into 8 hours of cycling twice my usual speed and ended with me running on sugar fumes from fruit punches and fizzy drinks. Just as I shouted to Nigel saying "We've missed it! There's no way Karibu is this far away from Shingela!!" I saw a tiny sign for "Karibu - 1km" I don't think my emotions have switched to extremes so quickly! I had a slight downhill over a bridge to Karibu in which I burst into song an then I arrived at one of the most remote "restaurants" in Zambia.

Karibu was not a campsite. It was more of a bar with large surrounding grounds that could be used for anything! I think because of this, I didn't get charged fr camping but I was still allowed to set up my tent in an unfinished building next door to the bar. Tonight was not my first night in an unfinished cement house so I knew I was in for an uncomfortable night's sleep but the security guard recommended I stayed enclosed in the walls so I didn't bother arguing.

After I set up camp I walked around to the bar to enjoy the last few minutes of sunset with a couple of local vets. Dr Zulu was more chattier than the other guy but we talked and laughed for an hour or so about the differences between Zambians and English (there are alot) I ate yet more Nsima and went to bed well fed and exhausted.

I ended up covering another 100 miles but the majority was uphill and hard on the legs because of Nigel's dying chain. The only way I did it was by drinking loads and eating even more, I'm not sure I can keep that up for another 3.5 weeks, my budget won't allow it!

I guess we will have to see...

Tubesday

Tuesday 18th March

After a good sleep I packed up Nigel early and set out for a long day but fingers crossed a productive one. Yesterday I sorted an early breakfast at the cafe next door to my motel room to ensure she had all the ingredients for me to start my day right. I arrived at the door and she was still sweeping the floor with everything turned off. It was 7am and she said she opened at 6am but today they had no money to buy food so she was waiting on the manager. 

Good start! I thought. I had to resort to buying 8 buns and I sat by a tree like a loner as a group of guys over the road stared, pointed and laughed at me. Breakfast bullying that is! Not my kind of morning to begin a long day but I've had worse I guess.

The ride was decent. The noises Nigel was making was not but it was nothing that slightly louder music couldn't drown out. As far as scenery goes I was pretty limited. The grass on both sides of the road was a good 6ft tall and so I had tunnel vision for much of the day. I wasn't too keen on the long grass to be honest, the road would meander quite tightly and the speed the cars and trucks were going, I found it hard to make myself visible for drivers so instead had to be prepared to dive in the grass if things looked a bit tight.

The only consolation was the fact that there weren't many cars but sometimes made it more dangerous. It also really annoyed me that I could cycle for hours and hours and not see many vehicles but when two pass, they always pass directly where I am. This HAS to be the guy driving on my side's fault. He can see where I am so all he has to do is speed up to get around me before the oncoming car arrives or SLOW DOWN AND WAIT!!! Noooooo, they both always cross exactly where I am and so I had to take a serious hit from a tree branch that reaching low over the road in order to keep out of the car's way.   

I ducked down as if I was winning a photo finish and took the branch full on the bike helmet but that was much better than the other option which would've seen my ride ending in Zambia. 

I went through a series of mood phases today just like most days really. One of the hardest things to do on this ride is stay emotionally stable. One small incident can complete flip your mood and my mood must've yoyo'd 5 or 6 times today. I was constantly umming and arring about whether I could make the mileage up today. One hour would be extremely flat and productive and then the next hilly and slow. My gears and chain are shot to pieces. I have a very limited selection of gears as if I put any kind of pressure on the pedals, the chain slips. A slipping chain is up there with Flies, Pyramid People and Ethiopian Customer Service as one of the most annoying things I've experienced on this ride and I have a new chain but I'm so close to the end now, I want to see if I can stick it out.

I got to the top of a climb around 20 miles before the town I had decided to stop at. Progress was good but I didn't want to over do it so I thought a quick snack would help push me through the giant wall that I've hit a few times when nearing the end of the day. As I began my descent there was a bit of a pop, that oh so familiar noise of rushing air shortly followed by the fast deflation of the rear tyre.

You're kidding me, two spokes and a puncture in 3 days, really? At first I thought it was a failed valve like what happened that time in Kenya when I was sleeping but after pushing Nigel a mile or so to some shade, I had a look at the tube and found a hefty split not far from the valve. I decided to get out the patches and fix it there and then despite there being quite a large town only a couple of miles away. I was joined by 6 or 7 locals that watched me work and it didn't take long to fix it up.

I really haven't had much luck with my patching up and today was no different. As I went to pump it up I found myself dripping with sweat but with no pressure difference. I didn't mind too much as that had just solved my predicament of whether I push for a long day to get to Lusaka tomorrow, answer being - no. I decided to push Nigel to the nearest town which was Luangwa Bridge. I was told by three consequetive people on the road as I walked that it was 1,2 and 6km but amazingly I was walking in the right direction so basically, as always, nobody had a clue!

I ended up walking 6 miles but I actually didn't mind. It was hot and hilly but I took it as punishment for not taking more time over the rear wheel at first or just changing the tube. My decision to walk meant that I had decided on getting to Lusaka in two more days but I felt comfortable with that and that meant I wouldn't be putting myself or Nigel through 11-12 hour days.

I felt relaxed after the walk and found a great shop to sit in and rehydrate. They sold everything and so I bought myself a pump with the same valve as the new tubes that I bought in Mombasa. It's not ideal to be adding more weight onto Nigel but its a necessary requirement if I want to keep going if I'm unlucky enough to get a puncture not within walking distance of a decent town.

The shopkeeper recommended a nice little Guesthouse further down the road called "Smart Guesthouse." Single rooms 50 kwacha and double rooms 60 kwacha. They apparently had no single rooms available so I had  to pay more for the room with 2 double beds in even though I was pretty sure there was nobody else in the other rooms and I clearly do not need two double beds. 

I fixed Nigel, went for a walk down the street to get some food and returned back to my room to make the tough decision of which bed to sleep in. I suppose I could've tucked Nigel in but I'm not really into rewarding him for breaking on three consequetive days. I still had a fair way to go so I was really hoping for two pain-free days as the slipping chain is enough to knock down your attitude, without spokes and tubes failing as well.

Just another manic Monday.

Monday 17th March

I had a good sleep but in the morning I was woken up by some rustling near the bin bag that has my tent and roll mat in. This noise combined with crows walking their steel boots up and down the corrugated steel roof ensured I wasn't getting a lay in!

I packed up Nigel and as I was putting my tent on the back of the bike, a toad jumped out the bag. Can't I not have a night where I don't spend it sleeping with some other living thing?! The toad was a surprise but I got an unwelcome one when I checked around Nigel's back wheel, he had a broken spoke.

It must've happened near the end of the day yesterday as I didn't hear it go and didn't notice any wobbling. The broken spoke completely messed up my plan for a long productive day but what can you do? It was a grey day which would've been perfect for pushing hard on the bike but I was delayed momentarily. My poor start to the day continued when I couldn't find any shop selling water and had to resort to biscuits for breakfast just so I could experience some food going in. 

What i eat for breakfast and lunch really does make a difference to my energy and happiness levels. You notice it alot more when you're pushing your body's fitness everyday for the whole day. Biscuits are a quick fix and not ideal at all but its literally all they sell. I managed to find some decent food 2 hours in, in the form of fish and nsima. Nsima is what the Kenyans call Ugali and I actually really like it. It is literally the only thing every Zambian, Malawian, Tanzanian and Kenyan eats. You may get a bit more variety in Tanzania but in northern Zambia, Nsima is the only food.

The fish was really good aswell and I was recharged and all set for a long second stage in the increasingly hot sun. It seems no day is the same, I haven't managed to get into a routine at all over the last 7 months and ideally I like to have a short ride after lunch but today I had a good 50 miles to cover from midday. Again I didn't know where I was going but I wanted to get at least 70 miles under my belt to give myself an option of getting to Lusaka in two more days.

The road turned bumpy, it was by no means bad but it was the unsealed tarmac that is fine for motor vehicles but for sore bums its utterly horrible. I was not enjoying it at all, i couldn't find any comfy position and I couldn't pedal without a constant pinching feeling on my bum cheeks. Generally I don't mind my bum being pinched but i draw a line at it happening every 3 seconds for 7 hours straight.

I just had to suck it up and keep going and the locals were very happy and actually helping take my mind off the pain. They don't really have a word for hello so they normally go straight in for the kill and begin conversations with "how are you?" This does get very tiresome to answer around 50 times a day with either "good, thanks" or "fine." I end up answering with "fine" just like your wife or girlfriend does when things most definately aren't "fine." By her saying fine she means Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional and in my case its my, "I don't want to speak to you" answer. 

Today I was different though, I decided to play a game with the locals by telling them exactly how I was. They certainly learned a few new words and my favourite was the look on the guy's face when I replied his question of "how are you?" with "rambunctious!" This kept me entertained for at least an hour which isn't bad I suppose but due to the constant bombardment that I've received of the most pointless question/answer combination just to seem interested, I vow from now on to never ask "how are you?" unless I really care and to always give an honest answer when I'm asked it. 

I arrived in the town of Nyimba quite late and the distant storms gave me a solid reason to stop and find a guesthouse. I could've continued but I had set myself up for 2 big riding days to get to Lusaka so I was still happy with the days ride. The room was nice but a little more expensive than in previous towns similar to Nyimba. I need to get back to tightening the purse strings if I want to continue staying in guesthouses for the rest of my ride so I decided to cook some food in my room. On the menu tonight were cheese noodles that a Tuvalu were not that bad.

As I sat enjoying my noodles and complimenting my stove and myself for a well cooked meal I turned to Nigel to also compliment him on a fine ride and recovery from this mornings spoke change operation. I looked at the front tyre, still pumped up - good. Rear tyre, still pumped up - good. Spokes, hang on a minute, that's a large gap between spokes?! I couldn't believe it, another broken one! Again, it must've happened near the end of the ride because I regularly look down to see if the rear wheel is rotating straight-ish and it was.

It was a good job the cheese noodles were good otherwise I would've been really annoyed! I finished my dinner before changing yet another spoke and then it was bed for me. If I get any other hiccups in the next two days then I definately won't make Lusaka in two days but as always, its not the end of the world and ill get there eventually!

Road to nowhere

Sunday 16th March 

I had a good sleep but woke up to absolutely everything still soaked and covered in red grit. It's been a while since I've enjoyed the feeling of putting on wet socks and shoes in the morning, its not particularly favourable!

I resorted back to my old faithful cycling shorts as they were dry. There was no way I was going to endure the wet friction rash out of choice. I packed up and pushed Nigel over to the bar where I had breakfast (a step up from the reception desk!) The breakfast wasn't bad, both meals I've had have come wrapped in cling film so something tells me neither were exactly fresh.

Today would be my first full day in Zambia and I was hoping for a little less rain and a little more progress. I had no idea where I would end up. My "plan" states "bush" as the destination for the next three days. I think my plan is a little optimistic as I know I have 600km to cover so I would say, depending on the terrain, I could take 5 days to get to Lusaka.

Having an unknown destination can work both ways as I've found out on my ride. If i know where I'm going then i like having a target to head towards, although I tend to mile watch and if I don't know where I'm going I could end up cycling myself miles and miles into an exhausted grump as I have done previously. Having a rough mileage to meet each day is ok but you can never be sure to stop at one place which looks ok or head a few more miles to the next place which could be alot better...or alot worse. I guess that's the joy of it!

I set off and immediately made a traveller's error that Ray Mears would not be happy with. I had no water and for some reason just bypassed the first shop. Ray tells me to "top up water at every available stop" I didn't, and I was left with a fair old cycle before I found a village that did sell it. Sorry Ray. He would also not of been impressed with me washing my bottle with soap powder which I was still annoyed about as it tasted like I was sucking on clean damp clothes. My teeth look whiter though, although that may just be my face getting dirtier.

The bike ride was not the best if I'm honest, I wasn't expecting it to be. Almost every building was closed down, the terrain was pretty flat and the landscape was just green. There really wasn't much else to report. The people were very nice and the greetings have developed from shouts and demands to actual greetings like "hi" and "hello." "How are you" is still a crowd favourite and it must be said at least 3 times even if you've answered the first one. When I don't answer at all, its said nearer 5 times so I can't win really. 

I did well to fight the boredom today. You find yourself thinking about the same things over and over and I really have to try to change the subject. It's a real treat if you can think of something new that lasts a while because that means you have another subject in your artillery to go back over at a later date. Today it was humerus baby names for people that I know considering their surnames and different things that I would say if I were best man at each of my friends wedding's. Sad aren't I, but I've already got my first meals when I get back nailed down!

As the "half century hump" was fast approaching I was welcomed by two other cyclists. The three of us were all going at roughly the same speed and before I knew it, we had ourselves a Zambian pelaton! We were raking in other cyclists like lost sheep and it took me a few minutes to realise, but the guy leading was wearing a yellow t-shirt. I found this hilarious as I sat at the back of the group whilst the others helped me out with the slipstream.

Tour de Zambia went on for about half an hour before the pack broke up and I was left to continue on my own again. I've noticed that nobody likes it when someone is cycling right behind them (including myself) Everyone tries the whole "look to the side and check behind you out the corner of your eye" trick. I don't why I don't like it, there's hardly anything they can do when you're both travelling at 15mph and my brakes aren't good enough to experience a bicycle rear ending!

Not long after that I decided to call it a day. I had cycled around 70 miles and I had arrived at a place that from local knowledge, I gauged as being the biggest/best town within a 30 mile radius. I initially cycled through it. When it come to towns and villages and I'm looking for something like a restaurant, shop that sells water or Guesthouse, I do a slow driveby first. You have to be very focussed when you do this and not get distracted by the increase in whistling, hollering and local's waving at you. I could stop and ask them, yes, but i prefer finding the place myself or waiting for a sign to jump out at me. If I don't spot anything I normally carry on to the next place as I know if its meant to be, its meant to be. 

Today was no different and the town of Sinda offered me alot of surprisingly open businesses but nothing that jump out at me so I cycled straight through it. As I did so, I wasn't holding my breath at the likelihood of a nice campsite or lodge waiting for me within the next 30 miles but sure enough I found a rogue Guesthouse just a mile or so past the town. The building was big and red, had one window and closed steel doors but it had Guesthouse written on the roof so I gave it a go. I walked up to the window which was a little shop selling biscuits and fizzy drinks (standard) I hesitantly asked if they actually had rooms and she said yes!

After celebrating with a fanta, she opened the side gate and I walked around the back of the building into a huge open garden area where there were crops growing and a line of 4 very well built guest rooms. I had stumbled across another little gem! There was no restaurant or anything like that but they had an outside shower and the longest drop I've ever had the displeasure of looking down!

I had a nap and then walked back into town for food and football. Finding football was easy, I just followed the sound of commentary and then at HT I was directed to another decent place for food which was also playing the football. I didn't know whether to watch both games and wander back in the dark or just the first one and walk back as the sun set. My decision was made for me when a power cut struck a few minutes into the second game and I took that as a sign to make a move.

Boy am I glad I did make a move as my walk home was surrounded by three electrical storms all shooting bolts down in front of me. It was amazing, I was walking in a very mild and temperate atmosphere but I could enjoy some mega lightning storms without getting wet.

When I got back to my room I sat on the porch outside for a while and watched Mother Nature do her thing.

A good ending to another day on the calendar. Whilst cycling to nowhere is hard as you can't really appreciate the mileage your doing on a map. It's a necessary requirement when you're covering vast expanses of nothingness and I know it won't be long till I'm in the hustle of Lusaka and probably wishing I was watching a thunderstorm whilst sat on a porch in the middle of nowhere!

Happy Zambia to me!

Saturday 15th March

Today is my Mum and Niece's birthday and while they were waking up to hopefully a sunny day and trip to the Zoo, I was waking up to another sodden morning and a trip to Zambia.

Last night it chucked it down again but I was perfect, snuggled up in my cocoon. I had bought a baguette and some cold meat yesterday which I slept with to prevent it from getting wet or eaten by ants. It worked out really well as my tiny tent now smells like a bakery instead of an old shoe. The big breakfast put me majorly behind schedule and so did cleaning Nigel. Today was a hundred miler day so ideally i needed to be cycling by 8 at the latest but I had to clean Nigel, because of the rain he was filthy.

Over the last week or so I've noticed some green in the bottom of my water bottle as well. This green has started to grow recently and so I thought it was best I gave the bottle a clean out too. I took the bottle into the lodge's kitchen and asked for some soap. Here's where I made a terrible error and ended up putting clothes powder in my bottle, its all they gave me!!! It cleaned the bottle very well but also destroyed the taste of the fresh water I put in it after. It tasted like drinking Ariel clean clothes.

After my cleaning session was complete, the three of us were ready to say goodbye to Malawi and hello to Zambia. It was a good ride, I still had about 70 miles to do in Malawi before I got to the border and then it was around 20 to Chipata. The locals stayed true to form and shouted and called at me from all areas off the main road but the hills kept me focused and I powered through to the border just as I was finding the end of my tether. It lasted a bit longer today, probably because I knew that Malawi would be in the past very soon.

I got to the border relieved and still feeling physically strong. The thought of another new country and a fresh start was very exciting and I was like a new man the second I rolled onto Zambian ground. First impressions of Zambia were of the black storm clouds that loomed over the hills in the distance. I knew I would be hitting them head on, I just hoped I would be tucked up in a Guest House in Chipata before they got to me!

I had about half an hour of dry Zambian weather before things turned very dark and ominous. I was cycling alongside a man dressed in a suit at the time the first spots hit. I stopped and got my handlebar rain cover out to protect my expensive stuff, he bolted to the nearest shelter, I guess he knew what was coming. It took about three 3 minutes for the storm clouds to take over and unleash absolute fury. Visibility was at 50m, everything turned grey and I was soaked to the bone. There was absolutely no point in stopping, I had no idea how long the storm would last and I was only an hour or so from Chipata if I maintained my good time.

As I continued cycling it was becoming more apparent that this storm wasn't going to blow over. The road started to flood, huge rivers of trademark red African mud started flowing across and along the main road and I was dicing with death as I risked cycling through the puddles not knowing what was underneath the water. I knew I wasn't far from Chipata so I hesitantly carried on. The storm wasn't letting up at all, Lightning flashed down in front of me and then thunder cracked right above my head which vibrated straight through me and echoed across the land. Mmm probably shouldn't be cycling through this I thought but the adrenaline was really pumping so I carried on.

The road had completely changed as the muddy rivers took over, like blood running through the villages. At some points I was cycling with both feet half submerged in the red water so I followed closely behind the few slow moving cars to ensure there were no rogue potholes. I stopped at the first place I could find on the outskirts of Chipata. The place looked decent, play area and pool etc, like a Zambian Centerparcs!

I stopped in the reception area to briefly dry off as it still hammered it down outside. One of the staff showed me to a room and said the cost was 250 Zambian kwacha. I was yet to get any kwacha but I checked the currency converter on my phone. Hang about, that's 25p a night, that can't be right. I've had a room for a quid in Ethiopia but there's no way this is 25p, it was twice the size of my room back home!

I made myself very clear and direct with the guy, "do you mean 250,000 and not 250." In Malawi they would say different things like 2.5 or 20 and a half, which I knew had to be the case here. It was the case, it wasn't the guy's fault though, it was my currency converter that needed to be changed and so I kindly rejected the £25 a night room seeing as I was only going to be staying the night.

The downside to this cafuffel was now I had stopped cycling, I was still soaked and very cold and head to face the storm for a second time. I got back out there and didn't have to cycle far to get to the town centre thankfully. The second place I found was completely derelict, no staff at all and so it was Pineview Lodge that I finally stopped at. Typically it was fully booked. For some reason there was a three day seminar going on from Saturday to Monday (strange choice of days if you ask me) and so all the rooms were taken but I could still camp. Not ideal at all I know but I really couldn't be bothered to find anywhere else and decided to sit out the storm and put the tent up when it stopped raining.

The two women at reception were good to talk to so I got changed into some dry clothes and sat at reception and ate chicken and rice while I waited for the rain to stop...it didn't. (I know, eating at reception as well, only in Africa can you eat at the reception table because not for the first time, the "restaurant" is hosting a seminar) It was starting to get dark so I just had to bite the bullet and put the tent up in the rain. I found a half decent place underneath a tree and put the tent up like someone that's been doing it almost everyday for 7 months. With camp set as night fell, I had a pitch black walk into the town centre to get money out from the ATM.

The rain had lightened into just spitting but it had created a deep red muddy swamp of a place to walk through. I will now dub my footwear "flick-flops" as that's what they did the whole way. As i walked, my "flick-flops" sprayed the coarse gritty sand all up the back of my legs and all the way up to my neck. I was cold, wet, in darkness, in a new country and absolutely covered in mud. Was I enjoying myself? I was actually! Things got even messier when i lost one of my "flick-flops" in a hole of thick mud and then continued to walk barefoot into the same thick sludge. I then had to plunge my arm in to retrieve my "flick-flop" much to the delight of the people that I was walking along with at the time.

I eventually got money out and walked around the supermarket looking (and smelling) like Stig of the Dump but I thought it would work in my favour considering I had a fair bit of money on me and didn't really want anybody to come close! The walk back was brisk to say the least. I tried to go undercover and pull my long sleeves down to cover my arms but unfortunately Beirdre hasn't completely covered my face so I did grab the attention of one beggar. What else could make this whole situation worse do you think? I'll tell you what made the walk back worse, not the fact that the beggar would not give up A. Talking a language I had no clue about. B. Pointing at everything i had and i assume asking for it but C. My increasingly large urge for the toilet. It seemed the chicken had gone straight through me and i was fully prepared to drop trousers in a bush in front of the man who wouldn't leave me alone. It was either that or just poo myself as i was covered in mud anyway, i was pretty sure no one would notice. In the end I put my "nunchuk look" on and told the guy very directly where to go, then I waddled back to the lodge taking a B-line through quite a sharp bush (i cut my legs in the process) but i got to the toilet with literally no time to spare.

Mission complete. The toilet conveniently had a shower so I washed myself down before heading to the bar to watch the footy and enjoy a well-earned apple flavoured water.

I only watched one half before going back to my tent to sleep. Zambia, country number 20 and the messiest start to a country this ride has seen but its great to be here!

A-lister

Friday 14th March

I enjoyed a nice "lay in" till half 7 before the birds ruined any chance of an actual lay in. After that i had what the lodge manager claims, "best shower in Lilongwe" (can't say no to be fair but actually having shampoo would've been a nice touch) and then I was all set for a yet another fun day off.

I had a to-do list as there were a few things I needed to buy before Zambia and finding a way to Skype home was vital considering it was my Mother's and my Niece's birthdays tomorrow. Don't know how old my mum is (age doesn't matter, first number begins with a 5) but my niece is 1 and skyping home was essential otherwise it would be at least another 5 days till I got any sort of Internet again.

Other things on my list were buy Nigel some oil, get dollars for Zambian visa and use fancy hotel facilities. I started my day with a walk around the white areas of Lilongwe, I could hear a lot of South African accents which was a good sign I thought. I ticked off dollars and oil with no problems at all and had a fancy breakfast at the second place I found. The first place said its opening hours were half 7 but it was 9 o'clock and the chairs were still on the tables. Only in Africa I thought, there was no major issue with electricity or water or any sort of public apology notice, the guy just said, "yeah, we are a bit behind time this morning" 

After my breakfast I headed straight for the fancy hotel for some time by the pool. I walked in like a pro, past the security etc and out into the pool area but must've left my tact at the door. I had come prepared with battery pack for the phone and bottles of water as I knew the hotel prices would be extortionate, and I proceeded to set up camp on a sun lounger by the pool. Sun was out, top was off but as my focus was intent on acting like a seasoned regular to the Crossroads Hotel, Lilongwe, I failed to recognise until I had sat down that everyone was still eating breakfast and I was sat on the only sun lounger within a 20m radius of the pool area.

Thanks to Beirdre, I hardly fly under the radar anyway but to say I attracted a large amount of attention from the staff, business groups and hotel residents has got to be the understatement of the year. I gave myself 3 minutes before I was escorted to the door but instead I was approached many times with "hellos." One waiter tried to recommend that I had some breakfast first before putting everybody off theirs with my Zebra like tan lines, however I declined (I had just eaten) he then tried to charge me for using the pool, "it's ok, i don't fancy swimming just yet, but I will have a fanta thankyou" I'm not the sort of guy to enter a fancy Hotel and not give anything! I managed to get an Internet card that worked in random hotspots around the town so that was tonight's Skype sorted and that was the list complete!! 

I had nothing left to do but relax and it was still only 10 o'clock. I stayed at the hotel till lunch time. It wasn't that sunny and I kept getting interrupted by the severe amounts of staff walking past me and asking me if I was alright. There was nobody else to ask and I thought to myself that i might of been hassled less back on the bike. I could see some staff in a doorway just standing and looking at me, probably waiting for the topless Moses to part the swimming pool or something!

I had a chilled walked around some shops then had lunch. There really wasn't much to do so I headed back towards my tent and a restaurant that i had eyed up previously for dinner. En route I stopped for a few hours at fancy hotel number 2. Again, nobody by their pool but I just sat at a table and used the Internet this time. 

When I get to Zambia I have 4 days where my plan says I will be camping in the bush. This just means my map isn't detailed enough to show the small towns that there will be but I decided to buy some rations anyway. I got the usual packets of noodles and soup which will save me like they have done in the past, in times of expensive restaurants or no restaurants at all.

After dinner, I headed back for a good Skype session with the family. It was a day that went completely according to plan. I can only hope that this continues for the foreseeable future, next stop...Zambia!!