Criminal directions

Monday 7th April

Not for the first time I woke up to an array of bird songs and did well to manage to roll over and get an extra hour sleep. I had a slow start today but seeing as I only have a week remaining I have been more inclined to savour every minute of it.

Today would be my last day cycling to the unknown. This means in the rough schedule I made before I left, today was the last "bush day" I knew I had around 300km to get to Gaborone and so my aim today would be to cycle as far as possible to find a. A good safe place to stay the night and b. Give me a nicer days ride tomorrow.

I knew a town called Mahalapye was about 75km from where I was so that would be where I would stop for lunch. After that, I would have to ask around and try and establish a plan and a destination for the day to put me in good stead for tomorrow. On more than one occasion I've been told how good Wimpy is for value for money and quality of food. I know Africa has its issues with poverty and malaria etc but it seems that the high regard the locals keep for Wimpy is growing into one of them as well! If they're classing Wimpy as the top of the pile when it comes to burgers and fast food then I fear that standards of expectation and performance are already limited to mediocre at best!

Due to this Wimpy hoohah I thought I may keep an open mind and see if they had somehow got it right in Africa so when I saw a billboard for one of their new burgers upon entering Mahalapye, I then proceeded to ask for directions to the nearest one. The first guys pointed me down the road towards the city centre. I found myself getting excited and embarrassed at the thought of asking for the nearest Wimpy. The next two guys pointed me towards a petrol station only when I arrived it wasn't a Wimpy it was something else. I finally found an African that understood and used the word "no" and she told me that Mahalapye didn't have a Wimpy! I was very sadly gutted and had to settle for chicken instead, Wimpy had managed to disappoint me without even existing!

Despite advice from Mahalapyians being 66.6% rubbish I still had to ask someone about what to expect town-wise for the next 60km or so. I was told there were a few towns but nowhere to camp within 60km but if I had the chance to cycle the 100km to Artesia then there would be a place to camp there. I disregarded that option at the time. That meant at least another 6 hours on the bike and it was already coming up to 2 o'clock. I set off towards Artesia with the notion of seeing how it goes. As time went by and progress levels fluctuated with varying head winds and my own physical second and third winds coming and going with different songs or thoughts.

I got to the 60km mark from Mahalapye and the last town before Artesia. It was a dump, and there was no real shop to get supplies for a proper wild camp so my options were either wild camp without food or push very hard as the sun sets and get to Artesia at all costs. Obviously I went for the challenge didn't I and so for the 40km I pushed and pumped my legs as hard as I have ever done to get to Artesia before it got dark. My legs were burning, they had already done 140km but if I kept above 12.5mph then I would be finished in less than 2 hours - that's what I kept telling myself.

My wrists and elbows were both aching and with every push of the pedals it felt like my knees were going to drop off but in a very sick way I liked the burn, I was addicted to it and as the wind blew louder past my ears, the quicker and harder my legs would pump. I kept looking to my right to see the beautiful sun setting, I wanted to stop and admire it but I couldn't, I had to keep focused and keep going. 

The beautiful sunset didn't stop me from ripping up the miles but I did have to stop briefly to take a picture of a dead snake on the side of the road. It was basically an Anaconda and I knew I would regret it if I didn't slam my brakes on a take a picture of it. I built my momentum back up and finally got to Artesia about 10 minutes after sunset. I felt amazing upon seeing the sign for Artesia, absolutely exhausted but amazing. I still had to find the campsite but I knew I was safe and I could finally relax. I asked around where the campsite was, everybody shook their heads, "there is no campsite in Artesia" one of them said. I could t believe it, my elation turned into devastation in seconds and I had been stitched up again by some local who clearly didn't h e a clue what he was on about! I now found myself at a shop surrounded by very loud and excitable kids, very drunk locals and in almost complete darkness. My two best options in a situation like this is find the nearest Church or Police Station. One of the many members of staff stood doing nothing behind the shop counter got a guy who would show me to the Police. Thankfully it wasn't far away but the fact the guy i was following didn't speak a word of English and I could only see a few lights from random buildings as I was submerged in almost complete darkness meant my ride was far from over as far as finding myself in more crazy situations was concerned.

We walked around the back of the Police Station to find 4 guys not in uniform, sat around a campfire. There was one big dawg who seemed to be the only person to understand English and he was very kind and said I was more than welcome to camp anywhere in the fenced area. I camped underneath a security light so I could at least see what I was doing and I even managed to summon the energy from somewhere to cook some noodles. I only had half a loaf of bread remaining which I gave to the big dawg to say thank you. I felt a little bit insulting but its all I had and the four of them seemed to wolf it down pretty quick in appreciation. There was no way I had the energy to stay up and try and converse with them so I just gave them the bread and collapsed in my tent. I was safe, I was fed, I was exhausted, i was filthy and sweaty but I was happy.

What made me even happier was the fact that I had cycled just under 200kms and so I was left with a nice leisurely ride tomorrow. My legs may have been on fire and my wrists and elbows absolutely killing but hopefully I would be back to normal again tomorrow after a good night's sleep and boy was I going to sleep well!

Happy chappy in Palapye

Sunday 6th April

I woke up to another grey day, "what's all this about? I didn't sign up for this!" I was still pretty tired and I was cold but I wasn't back in England, I was in Botswana and I had over 100 miles to cycle. The distance and the weather was really putting me off, it already felt like the evening and so my motivation to put the miles in today against a nasty headwind was lagging somewhat.

Thankfully the road was good so I just had to knuckle down and eventually the headwind dropped and I began to make good progress. The ride got even better as the main road had been newly built but the old road still existed and wasn't used at all so for over half the day I coasted along a road that I could enjoy all to myself.

It was on this road I had another one of those "eyes closed" moments and as the sun made an appearance and softly warmed my back I had seemed to teleport to a different country than I woke up in.

I spotted a football match on the other side of the road and saw a line of football shirts hung out to dry along the fence which I thought would be a perfect "Kodak moment." I was having a very chilled and relaxing ride and i just wanted to briefly stop, take the shot and continue with my great ride. This was far to much to ask for though as instead I had to get shouted at, waved at, laughed at and stared at by the locals. It was at this point when I thought, why?!! I mean I thought this before but it annoyed me today. Why do Africans feel the need to shout anything and more annoyingly shout things that you don't understand, expect you to understand, give you a weird look or laugh at you. WHY?! Sometimes the English mentally of keep yourself to yourself and don't speak to anyone in the street is a much more favourable option of mine! It's like I'm a cat and the Africans are birds. I can't walk anywhere without their incessant squarking!!! Just let this Lion take an artistic sneaky picture you annoying Crows!!!

Anyway, I got back to my private road and the tailwind stayed with me until I reached Palapye. I absolutely blitzed the second half of the day, it must've been the Biltong/Biscuit combination I had for lunch. I even shrieked out a woooohoooo I was having such a good ride and the day was capped off nicely with a very cool campsite. The facilities of the campsite were completely uncovered and privacy only went as far as a well planted and tamed spiral wall of bush. The fixtures and fittings were all as you would find in a "Changing Rooms" bathroom only everything was outdoors so if it rained (which it did very lightly) you would find yourself getting very wet whilst sat on one of Armitage Shanks finest thrones with nothing but tropical plants surrounding you.  

I managed to Skype home and really commence the countdown. Just 8 days to go and if the last 8 days are all like today then I will not want this ride to end!

Cut above and rest

Saturday 5th April

Despite having the day off I still needed to be up early to change rooms into a smaller one. I was forced to settle for a double room last night as that was all they had but today I downgraded to a single. On my to do list today was:

1. Try and adjust my gears so I could use more than one.

2. Buy a backup chain

3. Buy more Mozzy pills

4. Get money from ATM

5. Watch the football

I set out on Nigel in the very convenient and sheltered courtyard area of the guesthouse. The shelter was necessary as it was a very cold and grey day and started to rain. I adjusted the gears in record time and was more than happy with myself. I should've really taken him for a test drive but I was so shocked and excited that I hadn't even broken a sweat, I packed my things up quick smart and set off into town to tick off numbers 2,3 and 4. I would find out tomorrow for sure whether my handy work was successful or not.

Next job was to find a cycle shop and I knew from my cycle through the town centre yesterday that this shouldn't be a problem at all. My guesthouse was situated in quite a dirty and rough looking area and as I walked towards the cleaner streets it became clear that every shop sold everything as every shop was a discount shop. My task changed from finding a chain to finding the cheapest/best chain. I asked a guy where i would find bicycle parts and he said something that i couldn't understand. I asked him again and he repeated with the same incoherent noise as before. Now i found myself in that familiar situation of asking a second time, still not understanding and having to make the choice to either ask a third (and final) time or just smile, say thank you and move on to someone else. The noise the man made sounded like "cat price" that could make sense I thought, cat price, short for catalogue price, could be like a Botswanan Argos. I convinced myself very quickly that I was looking for "Cat Price" and so proceeded to walk down the street asking people where "Cat Price" was. They all seemed to understand me and they all pointed me to a shop whose entrance I stood at and looked up to see the name "Cut Price." "Aaaaaah that makes more sense" I thought. Now I felt like a right plonker as the locals probably thought I was putting on some below par rasta accent to try and fit in!

I managed to pick one up and amazingly found a chemist almost as quickly as I fixed Nigel so next stop was the ATM which was also a breeze and before I knew it I had completed 80% of my tasks before 10:30!

Francistown is a strange town because even though I managed to complete all my tasks and the town looked as if it had lots to offer, there was really nothing to it as all the shops were the same. It had two nice looking Malls either side of a nice looking Casino but the shops were pony. Discount shops or printing shops, no variety and nothing very interesting to see at all. On top of this, the one bar that was recommended to me by almost everyone to watch the football in, didn't have the channel that the Saints were on! This forced me to have a really relaxing day and retreat back to my bed for some blogging and Australia Masterchef.

On my way back I was outraged with a bald local barber's very poorly constructed sentence of "you need haircut?" I've questioned marked the sentence but it was a borderline demand. I replied with, "you need wig" and a wink seemed to defuse the situation as I don't think he took my snappy response with the humour that it was intended.

I laid in bed and the extra down time really gave me a chance to take in that I only have 9 days left if all goes to plan. I always have to say "if all goes to plan" because there are literally no guarantees in this ride until I'm standing on that "Football for Hope" pitch. My plan though is to be there in 9 days with no more rest days, next stop Palapye.

Donkey work

Friday 4th April

I woke up to the sound of multiple birds and some of the birds produced quite disturbing noises I had never heard before. I did think about using a book to distinguish all these amazing African birds that I've seen but a book would be useless as I'm sure not all black birds with white breasts that I've seen are penguins and that's about as far as my knowledge of spotting birds goes.

I packed up the tent quickly and pushed Nigel up to the restaurant for a big breakfast. I don't think the waitress knew my intentions when she offered to walk back and forth from the toaster to my table with one slice of bread for me each time. Its fair to say she deserved a well earned rest when i finally finished my carb loading! After my breakfast and morning rituals I headed out to the road for what was going to be one of my longest rides to date to get to a town called Francistown. As I pushed down on the pedals I had to change gear quickly to get through the section of thick sand before getting to the road. In that moment, one of the links of the chain broke and fell into the thick sand along with the rest of the chain, aaaaah maaaan! I had a good run I suppose! It was already half 9 and I was looking at a 180km day, a start like this was the last thing I needed!

I dragged Nigel over to a tree and looked down at the chain, it was wrecked! I had just oiled it as well and now it was submerged in sand, there was no way I was going to clean it. What's more, I couldn't find the link so I just chucked it away and got out the new chain I bought in Mombasa. Thankfully this change was quick and simple so it didn't take too much time out of my day but it did mean if the chain goes again within the next 180km, i'll be back to pushing.

I cycled past Nata Lodge in a lot more comfort than yesterday and got my head down for another long day. Unfortunately the new chain was not as good as the last as it wasn't worn in at all. This meant I was back to a single speed bike as the new chain pretty much slipped in every gear. This put immense pressure on my legs during any kind of uphill and could really destroy my momentum as my legs tired. Not ideal at all but I was moving and that was progress enough for me to keep going. My average map app on my phone displayed absolutely nothing for 180km until I hit Francistown but in reality there were a few little villages with a few wooden shacks for shops that I could've stopped at if I wanted to. I had in my mind that I wanted to reach Francistown though so that was what I was going to do. I took some time whilst cycling to decide whether it was a good idea or not to stay for a day in Francistown to replenish my spares kit and give the legs a rest. If I didn't rest in Francistown I would still have at least another 3 days solid riding till my scheduled rest day in Gaborone. Ideally I wanted to take just one day off between now and Lesotho and so the choice was Francistown or Gaborone and not both. I decided I would stay in Francistown. As the day dragged on my legs became heavier and heavier and the long days previously seemed to be catching up on me. I made a couple of stops, one at 60km and another at 120km. The temperature was perfect but annoyingly the headwind made it feel like I was cycling through water.

Darkness was setting in and I found myself slugging my way to the end. I was briefly sparked into life by a beast that scared the cycling shorts off of me. As I was slumped over the handlebars with my head hung over my arms and just concentrating on pushing my clumps of cement round and round, I was shocked bolt upright by a piercing scream from a donkey standing on the road just 10ft in front of me. I quickly swerved around him but in that instant I was more scared than the Hyena and Elephant incidents put together. Donkeys have a nasty kick (and punch) and this one had a bell round his neck so I knew he was probably the ringleader of a donkey gang and the last thing my tired legs wanted was to try and out pedal a gang of rogue donkeys! Luckily for me he wasn't too keen on running and I avoided experiencing his bite as his bark was enough to establish his position firmly above me on the food chain.

When I eventually arrived in Francistown it was like the anticipation/fear of spotting a wild animal had been replaced with noisy cars and the feeling of everybody staring at me (a feeling that I have grown accustom to since landing in Cairo) The sun had set and the near death experiences with speeding vehicles were a good sign to stay at the first place I found. As it happened, it seemed like there was only one place to choose from anyway and unfortunately it was pricey but I had no choice and was far too tired to even consider a wild camp.

The room was pricey but it was by far the best room I had had in ages and I was happy to lock myself away, collapse on the bed and let the fizzing burn in my legs drain out of me and into the mattrice. To feel the satisfactory relief of surviving and (sometimes) enjoying another day is very addictive and its one of many factors that keeps me going through the tough long days like today. It's almost as if I'm completely detached from the "normal" world like Frodo on his own individual mission whilst everybody else does their own thing obliviously around me. Obviously my ride doesn't hold the key to the future existence of Middle Earth but if it did then you would have to say that Nigel would be a very good Samwise and Beirdre would be an even better Golom!

I decided to stay and rest tomorrow aswell. I had to put things into perspective, was it worth paying for an extra night to recover and consequently be more prepared for the next few days or should I hammer my body for at least another 3 days just to save money. I went for relaxation and recovery and so I quickly made a list of things to do tomorrow and spent the rest of the night with a rare movie and some macaroni cheese! Bliss.

Full moon at the oasis!

Thursday 3rd April

In the middle of the night last night I heard a "ping" and the left half of my tent collapsed slightly. I delayed investigation as I was a bit bleary eyed and wasn't sure if I was dreaming. After a minute I unzipped my inner tent to find the outer tent had been unhooked from its peg and the peg had turned around. Not only that but I could hear alot of rustling and chewing of grass very nearby. My tent was surrounded by Elephants! Whether or not an Elephant had kicked my peg as it walked past my tent I can't be sure but apparently the tree next to my tent that Nigel was locked around had been used as a scratching post the previous night so the chances are quite possible.

I fixed the tent and went back to bed, I was exhausted and had one thing and only one thing on my mind...sleep. When I woke up I had to do something for the first time, cook my own breakfast. I normally have bread or I'm near (ish) to a shop but today I had to cook up another round of noodles. I managed to pack away the tent etc whilst the noodles were cooking and so I still managed to get away without wasting too much time. I still had the beast of a push back through the thick sand but I used it as a good warm up for my legs.

I had pretty much cycled through the whole of the National Park as the road became lined with empty fields as opposed to broken trees and bushes crumpled by Elephants. I decided to just coast the cycling and concentrate on the road instead of checking intensely for anymore wildlife. As far as the ride was concerned, it was pretty straight forward. The only thing worth mentioning was that I had to endure drinking some extremely muddy water for the whole ride but other than that, it was a rare incident free day.

I finally arrived at a tiny shop where I had to think about what to buy as I was possibly going to be stuck in the middle of nowhere and not see another shop until Saturday. They say variety is the spice of life, in Africa, variety is non existent. There are more options under the gender section of my African visa forms than there are items of food on a supermarket shelf! I couldn't even buy bread but I was lucky to still have some noodles so it was the standard packet of biscuits for pudding and a chocolate bar which i would save for later to say "well done for another days ride"

I had a couple of options with regards to what campsite to stay at. I headed towards Nata Lodge and also had the option of Nata Bird Sanctuary which was slightly further past. The Bird Sanctuary had been mentioned to me previously by a few guys I've met but I knew it was literally just a field with no restaurant etc. I wasn't too sure about staying there purely because I needed some sort of restaurant so I could get a decent breakfast tomorrow morning. Due to this I had decided to stay at Nata Lodge and I past Pelican Lodge en route which looked pretty fancy and was probably way over my budget. My ride towards Nata Lodge became a bit more of a panic as the toilet monsters had woken up and were doing their best to halt my progress and ruin my incident-free day. It became apparent very quickly that I wasn't going to make it all the way to the lodge door and I would have to stop pretty sharply if I didn't want a horrendous RTA (road trouser accident)

I managed to get to the entrance of Nata Lodge, there was nowhere i could stop and hide away along the roadside leading up to it as the road was fenced both sides. When I arrived at the entrance I very VERY quickly, propped Nigel up against the lodge sign post and even more quickly "submerged" myself in the sparsely scattered bushes. I say "submerged" because I was about as camouflaged as a Polar Bear in Monkey World. I turned my back to the road as to not have to look in the eyes of any outraged drivers passing by and did my thing. My mind was more focused on the multiple toads jumping around my feet at the time as i didn't want any of them to get experimental and try jumping down/up any holes! I would however, like to spare a thought and apologise to any drivers and especially families with children that drove past Nata Lodge as they would've saw the Nata Lodge sign with its situation worsening slogan of "Your African Oasis" and then seen my African Oasis in all its working glory!

I was even more thankful that nobody pulled into the campsite for a visit and this was probably because the campsite was actually closed!! I couldn't believe it, I had gone through 10 minutes of toilet torture to get to the campsite, didn't make it in time anyway and exposed myself to unfortunate holiday makers and all for a site that was closed due to flooding! (Not sewage problems!) In the end I decided to cycle back to the Pelican Lodge as it was the only place I could rely on to provide me with some decent food!

Pelican Lodge didn't turn out to be too expensive to camp and as has been pretty common throughout the fancy camp grounds of Africa, I was the only one there. I felt a bit of a loner but I'm used to that feeling by now and embraced it with a swim in the pool and some sunbathing (trying to even up the tan lines is a lost cause but I can always try!) As the sun started to set I fulfilled my need for man points and made myself a fire. Whether or not the wood I collected was stacked for burning I don't know but there was nobody around to tell me otherwise so I got stuck in and made sparks fly!

I sat and admired my masterpiece for a while and then was greeted by a German man named Mr Uberhausen. I knew this because he introduced himself by saying "Hello, I'm Mr Uberhausen from Geeeermany!" In a very similar fashion to a contestant on Blind Date. After a chat with him I had a little more time with my fire and it dawned on me that this could be the last really wild camp I did. I was in a campsite but after this I would be stopping at towns and so could possibly not use the tent again. The end was really creeping up fast, just a few weeks ago I was in Malawi and it seemed like I had ages left, now I was almost panicking!

After dinner around the fire I was again forced into my tent by the mozzies. Another long day over and rest was needed for a long day tomorrow but I was happy with my condition and more importantly, happy with Nigel's.

Nosey neighbours

Wednesday 2nd April

I woke up to find one of my breakfast croissants must've had a hole in the packet as there was a slight ant infestation. I'm not one to throw away gifts and quite frankly I'm getting a little fed up with how the insects of Africa think they can do what they want. Mozzies bite whenever and wherever, flies choose eyes and nostrils to fly into rather than the rest of the atmosphere and flying tank beetles choose to land on me instead of the rest of the planet. So I decided to make an example of these 30 or so ants and I scoffed the whole lot along with the croissant, they need to learn.

I was more tentative and worried about drinking the water than I was eating the ant croissant. I've been drinking bottled water since I entered Ethiopia and as time has drawn closer to finishing I really don't want any sort of bug that I had weeks/months of dealing with throughout Europe and Northern Africa. The water on the campsite came from a borehole so it should be good but it was a strange sensation to drink water from a tap again.

After I packed everything up (which was annoyingly covered in wet gritty sand) I said goodbye to the very kind South Africans and briefly stopped at the shop to grab another bottle of water. Today was going to be hot, long and very isolated so I needed to carry as much water as possible to ensure I didn't have a repeat of the Sudanese desert saga.

I had to cycle a good 20km before I got back into the National Park so it was a while before I got my next brush with nature. Armed with the added knowledge that 95% of the time Elephants are just testing you when they charge at you and its best to stand your ground, I felt a little more comfortable with what to do if I did meet Dumbo again. Sure enough, about 2 hours into the ride an Elephant emerged from the bushes and stood right by the road and began to eat the long grass that lined the road. It really is amazing how such a huge animal can come from nowhere and the feeling that I get as I'm merrily cycling solo then all of a sudden I'm joined by such an amazing animal is a feeling that's very hard to explain. My speed slows down yet my heart rate doubles. Adrenaline fills my veins and my senses suddenly become wired to what's in front of me and how am I going to get past it.

I didn't want to surprise this one like yesterday but I also didn't really want to pretend it wasn't there and try and sneak past it with nothing but two lanes of tarmac between us. I stood for a few minutes about 100m away and waited to see if it was going to continue walking across the road. It didn't look like it was going anywhere even with a passing lorry's efforts to move it along by honking its horns.

Conveniently for me, a truck pulled up by my side and offered to chaperone me past. As I cycled alongside the truck, the Elephant still didn't budge and it wasn't until the truck stopped to take a picture and i carried on rolling leaving myself completely exposed, did the Elephant turn and walk back into the bushes. 

Even with the truck being there, the adrenaline rush was still intense as I knew the truck could be flipped like a toy if the Elephant for whatever reason, wanted to get me. Just like yesterday, I was knackered and needed to stop and get some fuel in me in order to carry on to my destination of Elephant Sands campsite.

Today's fuel was that rare combination of Biltong and Biscuits. Not your typical Masterchef combination I know, but it did the trick and I felt revitalised to push on and finish the day before sunset. I still had quite a way to go and i soon realised I couldn't keep on scanning every bush, tree and area of long grass for wild animals and actually had to knuckle down and cover the miles. I turned the music up in my earphones and got down to business whilst trying not to think about any surprise Elephants or Lions. 

The last 10km were hard and thoughts turned to home as they normally do when everything else has been thought about. It's a constant struggle to keep the mind active and focused and also fresh at the same time. If I've thought about my first meal when I get back once, I've thought about it a hundred times and it seems I'm going to be a busy lad eating lots and meeting lots when I get back. Today was the first time that I thought about how I'm going to cope aswell. I have changed alot in how I think but the main issue is how I'm going to adapt back into "normal" life. For the last 8 months I've lived a life far from the ordinary. I've moved on almost everyday and had constant drama throughout that has knocked me back, lifted me up and filled me with a thirst for adventure and almost an addiction for new experiences. There isn't a cure or a simple remedy for what I've got, I guess I will just have to go with the flow and see what happens!

Elephant Sands is positioned in the middle of nowhere so I was very pleased to eventually see the sign. I was exhausted and the last thing you want at the end of a long hot day is a long driveway to get to your house. On top of this, you REALLY don't want the driveway to be foot deep sand but unfortunately, that's what I was greeted with when I turned off the main road. I pushed Nigel for what seemed like an hour and I still couldn't see any sign of a building. As I struggled through the sand, slumped over Nigel and willing myself on with shouts of "Come on Harding!" and "Vamos!" I momentarily lifted my head to find a house with a trunk stood dead still in front of me about 20m away. I really was not in the mood and I don't care how big you are or how dangerous you are, you do not get involved with a sweaty, tired and fed up bearded man. I shouted at the Elephant, mainly random nonsense that people who understand English probably couldn't understand let alone a Botswanan Elephant, but either way it seemed to work and the big guy could see that I wasn't up for playing any games and so he just moved on, crushing huge bushes and small trees as he did so.

I eventually found the reception and the fancy lodges that were placed around a watering hole. The campsite was positioned a bit further away from the water but I managed to stick my tent pretty close and with a good view of the whole site. My camping neighbours were a group of 4 (3 men and a woman) travelling up through Africa to Rwanda. One of the first things the lady said was "how are you going to adapt when you get back?" I had never been asked that before today and now I was reminded of it after thinking about it for the first time! They were a nice group and we talked for a bit but I was more intent on getting set up and cooking some food so we postponed more conversation till later.

As I was cooking food the trademark  Botswanan evening rain made an appearance so I quickly had dinner and exhaustedly locked myself away for a quick nap. When I woke up, the sun had just set and I looked over to the bar area to find lots of people with their cameras out. There was an Elephant having an evening drink by the waterhole so I got a few snaps from a distance that was comfortable for both parties and I didn't have the issue of trying to get past him for once!

There was a fire going by the water hole so I spent some time sat around it and pondered more on what I might do when i've finished. I love a good bonfire and there's something very relaxing about watching a fire flicker and change as it burns. One thing that I also love to do is start a fire from scratch which I haven't done yet. Botswana is probably my last and best chance to do it so I will have to find the ideal spot to fire some sparks and get some "man points!"

I left the fire along with the pondering as I started to get attacked by a huge dragonfly as it got attracted and then injured by the fire. The flames must've hampered it and so it couldn't fly properly and consequently found itself flying into my head. 

I finished my long, mentally and physically tiring day with a quick chat with my neighbours before laying my thoughts to rest. I will certainly not lose any sleep over my options of what I do when I get back, I like to call them good problems. First things first though, I haven't done anything in my eyes until I've got to Lesotho!

Elephants I will never forget

Tuesday 1st April

I had one of my earliest starts today. I knew I had a long 4 days ahead of me so it was best I got up at the same time as the birds if I wanted to cover some decent mileage. It was polony sandwiches for breakfast which I ate INSIDE my tent so I didn't get a second showdown with the squirrel from yesterday.

 I had to stop at the ATM again as yesterday it only let me take out an amount which I later converted to be just £30. African currency makes you feel super rich when you're chucking notes of a thousand and 5 thousand around but really you're holding 20p and all you can buy is a lollipop or two from the old lady in the street. After my quick ATM visit, i was straight in and straight out of the shop with some water and having what I like to call a "bish, bash, bosh" of a morning. Getting things done!

The road was promising, I was happy with its quality even if there wasn't a huge cycle section but there were hardly any cars to worry about anyway. I was made instantly happier when just half an hour into my day I spotted a mummy and a baby Elephant about 30m from the road. If I've been told one thing about Elephant etiquette, its don't get between mother and baby. I didn't even bother getting the camera out, I was quite far away in my eyes but you never know, the mum could be one of those psycho mums and her personal space could have a radius of 100m. I've also been told that if an Elephant is flapping its ears it means its not happy with where you are and its giving you a chance to go. If an Elephant pins its ears back...you've had your chips. So I took these three gems of Elephant etiquette with me as I cycled through Botswana's biggest national park that was heavily populated with Elephants.

About an hour maybe two past before I got my next sighting. I could see this one though from a good 400m away. He was massive and he was standing on the road. I did what everybody does these days, I got the camera out and pushed record on the video. As I cycled towards the beast he had turned his back to me and stepped just off the road so I had about a 15m gap if I were to cycle past where he was. He was constantly flapping his ears but he had his back to me so i didn't know if that meant he knew where I was and he was giving me a chance to go away like some African game of "what's the time Mr Elephant?" Or he didn't know where I was and he was just flapping his ears to a tune in his head. (I do the same) I continued to cycle slowly towards him at the same time as filming and commentating in a more heavily breathed/petrified impression of David Attenborough.

Now here's where I wish I knew what Elephants were thinking because I got to about 25m away when he turned around and let out the most spine tingling scream/horn/trumpet whatever you want to call it. I did exactly the same thing and just bolted it in the direction I was facing. I don't know whether I scared him or not but for an animal with such big ears, if he didn't hear me coming then I'm concerned that they may just be pieces of unwanted excess skin and are hindering him more than anything.

Anyway, as the Elephant and i both trumpeted from different holes, I suddenly found myself in a corridor of multiple Elephants and whilst still trying to film, I managed to pedal faster than any American on drugs has ever pedalled! 

The big one ran off into the bushes and the others on the other side of me ran deeper into the bushes which gave me a chance to stop further down the road and look back at my award winning piece of film. I checked the camera...only gone and NOT filmed the whole thing hadn't I. My commentary, my screaming and my Blair Elephant Project movie hadn't even started! I was gutted but to be honest, I was just happy to be alive and the adrenaline pumping through my body was intense. It was like a Bungy jump only it lasted longer and alot more life threatening.

It was then, that it really dawned on me that Dumbo is just a cartoon and real Elephants with nothing between you and them but a handlebar bag are quite frightening; especially if you only have 3 pieces of info about them and one of them is "you've had your chips" and another can be Interpreted differently to either "warning you" or to just flapping away flies or as my uncle said "giving you a wave" with their ears.

My heart was still pounding like an African drum when I had the third encounter 5 minutes later. This time the Elephant was in the bushes just off the road. It was still only around 25m away but it was a smaller one and this one had heard me coming so was just hiding on the outskirts. I stopped, filmed and cycled away from this one with no problems and no mess but it was still a huge adrenaline rush.

After all the Elephant excitement/fear, my legs were absolutely gone. The adrenaline had drained them and I checked my tachometer, I had only cycled 20 miles! It was a great start if I was on safari, I had seen more Elephants than humans but I wasn't on safari, I was trying to cover over 100 miles today! I got my head down and cycled the next 50 miles with the most intense concentration that any long grass has ever received. There were not just Elephants in this National Park, you name it, they had it and so it was a good job the road was in good condition because I was looking everywhere but the road as I cycled through the morning.

First I would check the long grass that lined both sides of the road, then the shaded area under the trees and then up the trees (ever hopeful of a that rare sleeping leopard in the trees) I like to live life on the edge anyway but this was ridiculous. I want to personally thank every piece of hose, rope, ripped tyre and broken cam belt that I caught out the corner of my eye for sending me off my saddle and into air with a fright. It wasn't that long ago that the French and their random horn beeping would receive the same reaction, now I'm cycling through snake and lion country!

Thankfully there were no more close encounters and I reached a place called Pandamatenga in literally the middle of nowhere. Luckily for me, Pandamatenga had a campsite and a shop so I stopped for some supplies and set up camp having had an eventful and highly successful day. The lady that ran the campsite gave me some good info on a site called Elephant Sands that Dan and Camii had mentioned to me on Saturday. It seemed there wasn't going to be much between Pandamatenga and Elephant Sands and the ride tomorrow would be well over 100 miles so it was a good idea to get some rest now in preparation for tomorrow.

I was knackered and it started to rain early at around half 4 so I had a nap in the tent. I was woken up to the sound of screaming kids coming from the only other campers on the site. I was pretty hungry anyway so I cooked up some noodles (makes a change, I know) and one of the women said hello as she walked past me on her way to the toilet block. On her way back she talked a bit more and then invited me over for dinner with them.

They were from South Africa, two couples, one with two kids and the other with 3. I was still quite tired but I couldn't go to bed at 7 so I took them up on their kind offer. They were cooking a "Braii" which is an Afrikaans word for BBQ. They had some springbok skewers (one said it was bok, the other guy said it was beef but it certainly didn't taste like beef) but they had the skewers and some sausage clamped in a contraption like a toastie maker made out of just a grill wire which made turning the skewers so much easier. They then actually made cheese and tomato toasties in the same way which I have to say, could not of been grilled any better! On top of this they fed me up with some biltong and so I was having an extremely typical South Africa "Braii" in the middle of nowhere in Botswana.

We didn't stay up late, around 10ish but it was worth it for the conversation and the joy of meeting new, very generous people that only a few hours previous I was cursing their screaming and crying children! The two guys who were cousins worked as farmers and gave me one more piece of Elephant etiquette that filled me with more confidence for my next encounter. He said, "95% of the time an Elephant will fake charge, if you stand your ground they will stop" this can be laughed at but it did help because he said if you don't stand your ground and do decide to run then you will definately get trodden on so I was prepared to take my chances and stand my ground next time.

Conversation then turned to politics and I am the worst person to talk to about politics, I've never watched the news! I listened though and the man made a good point. It's good to hear people's opinions, I can take it or leave it but that is also what travelling is about. Ignorance is bliss for me but I listened to what the guy was saying about why he thought Africa is like what it is and I used my personal experience of cycling through it to relate to his argument. He made some very good points and I agreed with pretty much everything. It helped me to realise things that I had missed on my ride and not thought about before aswell. I won't go into it because I'm getting tired thinking about it as I was getting tired talking about it but its nice to have an overall evaluation at the end of my ride at least.

I eventually decided to hit the hay after the politics but not before my trunk was packed up with croissants and biltong! A really great group of people which I'm gutted that I've forgotten their names. One lady was called Merica and her husband was Gus but shamefully I've forgotten the other couple as I didn't write it down. Still, a good day and a very nice ending.

Lots in Bots to jump about!

Monday 31st March

Just before I went to sleep I took my weekly malaria pill. I've been lucky with these Lariams up until now as everybody I've spoken to has had very disturbing dreams from them. My dreams are normally pretty disturbing so I think the Lariams have had a reverse affect. Either way, they've prevented me from getting Malaria so I've been happy but last night the pill got stuck in my throat and caused me immense discomfort for much of the night. I couldn't sleep at all but I guess I shouldn't complain as it was still better than getting Malaria.

Due to this, I said some very tired goodbyes this morning and really was not in the mood for cycling but was comforted by the fact I only had about 50km to do. As I cycled down towards Kasangula to catch the ferry I was hailed down by a man standing next to his Land Rover in a lay by. I may have a Motorsport Engineering Degree but the best I can do if you've broken down is help push! "Would you like an icy cold beverage" he said in a thick South African accent. "Would I?" "Yes please" we could've only talked for 2 minutes tops before he jumped back in his car and drove off! What a splendidly generous man I thought! 

I carried on only another hundred metres and came across a cyclist coming towards me. He was from SA and cycling to Zanzibar for "walking with lions" He was pumped when he heard where I was from and bombarded me with enthusiasm and questions "how's the bike!" "How's the road?" "you had any danger?" "how are your legs feeling?" A few fist pumps and high fives later, he gave me one of his "walking with lions" wristbands and we both went our separate ways. 

I had hardly left Livingstone and was getting more attention in the last 300m than I had in the rest of Zambia! The exit stamp took seconds, a kind man showed me to the right door and then tried to exchange some notes with me but I used the fool proof "no thankyou, my friend the other side is sorting it out for me" I try to have next to nothing left when it comes to money but this time I did have about £20 in Zambian kwacha. Still, I don't ever use the guys on the border unless I'm dying for a drink and need to get something there and then but I knew I had only 20km to ride the otherside so decided to hold on.

Getting on the ferry was easy too, it was only big enough for one lorry, one car and a few foot passengers and it took only 2 minutes to get across the river. At one point of the crossing I was in Zambia, Botswana, Zimbabwe and Namibia but I won't count Namibia as a country ive been too as I didn't jump over a line to get on it. The ride in Botswana was easy too and I managed to find an ATM in Kasane which is a tiny little tourist hang out situated on the Chobe river.

I think I picked probably the most expensive campsite to stay in as the pool and lodges all looked pretty plush but the camping rate was ok so this caveman roughed it with the rich old people for the best part of the day. Chobe river lodge ran all along the river and there were alot of warning signs saying "beware of hippos and crocodiles" I took a wander along the river and heard a noise that made the hairs on my neck stand on end. I'm not scared of many things or I normally find out I'm scared of them after they've done something to me but if there's one nightmare I have, that's one on one with a snake in close proximity. I've held snakes, had pythons around my neck etc etc but today I found myself  alone and heard that distinct rattling sound. I froze, it was coming from around a wall, despite needing to change my pants i had to check it out. I know curiosity killed the cat,  it was probably going to bite the idiot aswell. I poked my head around the corner to find a water sprinkler happily soaking the freshly cut grass.

That was enough exploring for me and I returned back to the tent to cook dinner. No hippos, crocodiles or rattlesnakes for dinner just one annoyingly brave squirrel that threatened to take my whole loaf of bread to such an extent that I couldn't enjoy my noodles. After my rushed dinner (squirrel's fault) I walked back towards the main building area to find a group of Warthogs eating grass on the freshly sprinkled lawn. One guy got right up close to them and coaxed the daddy in by making the kissing noise you normally do to cats. I tried doing the same and got a little one within cms of my hand before he squarked at me. I say "squarked" because it was a cross between a pig squeal and a bark. This scared the already soiled pants off of me and i put the blame down to the stinking mozzy spray that I had covered my hands in minutes before.

I managed to Skype home and make up for missing yet another Mother's Day. I don't know what it is but March doesn't seem to be a month that I'm in England for. Anyway, as I always say, I don't need a day to know how amazing my mum is all year round. I'm probably, no correct that, I'm definately the hardest son I know to parent and I cause my parents constant sleepless nights (mum especially) that i dont know whether I'm better away from England or not! Either way, they're the best and no matter how more absent I am from them or they are from me, the heart is at a constant maximum with fondness.

A good day in the end despite the tired morning. I'm in Elephant country now and the next 4 or 5 days are listed as "bush" in my "schedule" so I'm pretty sure I may have a bit more to deal with than a rogue sprinkler and a squarking Pumba!

Taking it Zambezi

Sunday 30th March

Today its fair to say I was feeling a little delicate. It was Mothers Day back home but the one job I gave myself to wish my mother Happy Mothers Day over Skype i couldn't do as the hostels Internet had crashed.

The next job was to get some more rest so I slept through to the afternoon. I walked around to Julia and Emma's gaff to see if they were in and still up for going out for a meal tonight but they hadn't returned from their adventure day so I left a note with one of the workers. I didn't have high hopes at all for the note actually being passed on but it was no biggy if it wasn't, I was always going to try out the crocodile anyway!

I picked up a few more lads from the hostel and Michael joined aswell so the 5 of us walked down to Cafe Zambezi for some Crocodile Ribs that Andrew from Lusaka had recommended I should have. We stopped to see if the girls had received my message and amazingly they had!!! We had a drink at their place (Fawlty Towers) which is also a very cool place to stay if your heading to Livingstone. If i had known they did free tea and coffee all day and pancakes at 3pm everyday then I may've been more of a "Jollyboy" staying there!

Cafe Zambezi was a short walk from there and to be honest, I was just happy being surrounded by people. As much a I love being alone and have loved this ride, this weekend felt like an early finishing gift and the gift was the amount of social interaction I received. From Jo and Jenny to Team Vic Falls to Dan and Camii toTeam Norway #2 and now what would be a leaving meal for a lot of us, this weekend was just a real treat from beginning to end. We all went very traditional and had fried caterpillar to start. I wouldn't rave about them to be honest but I will always try food like that once. 

The crocodile was decent, ribs aren't always the best food of choice when you have a bush on your face but luckily I wasn't on a first date and wasn't out to impress so I got well and truly stuck in. Dinner conversation was hilarious as we went around the table throwing out animal facts. Andrew was a well of knowledge and is also going to Rio so probably won't be the last I see of him but the best reaction was from Michael when I said that "sharks will only attack you when you're wet" I got a few laughs and a while past before Michael said "...is that true?" Ah, i guess you had to be there!

After a decent feed we said our goodbyes and went back to our hostels. I could've easily stayed another night and partied some more but I had to be disciplined and hit the tent, all good things have to come to an end ay!

Tomorrow I  head for Botswana, its just a short ride over the Zambezi but its progression and its another country to tick off.