A rather 'Andy' offer

Sunday 22nd December

I woke up in a surprisingly good mood considering I had the worst night in the worst room of the whole trip. I got into bed early as I had planned for an early start today. The second I laid on the bed it became apparent that I was going to be sharing this bed with multiple others. "Night night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite" is the most stupid saying that constantly ran through my head. Bed bugs jump around all over your body, it was impossible to stop them from biting, there were loads of them. The room was hot and clammy and I had no choice other than to lay in just shorts for fear of melting. The mosquito net made things hotter but I had to use it to stop the countless other mini beasts that flew and jumped around the room. The net was average at best as well, it certainly didn't prevent the ants from crawling under the net and joining me. These were African ants as well so imagine a few micro machines rolling over your body or an 6 nobbled Lego brick, then you get an idea of their size. 

I was like Rambo as I swatted, smacked and squeezed my way to a killing spree of at least 30. One ant crunched as I squeezed him but it was no good, I couldn't get them all. I had to lay there and just take it. In this situation I don't know what I'd prefer, light on or off? All I wanted to do was sleep so the light off would've been preferable. Did I have a choice? Nope. All the lights on the block came on at 6pm and turned off at midnight and my light switch did not affect this. So I had to lay there with the light on, attracting bugs from further a field as the local ones had a party on my body. 

Last night was far from enjoyable and not the best prep for today but I managed to get some sleep at least and was up and ready to leave at 7:30. The first hour was good, nice flat road, cooler morning temperature and I got the chance to soak in the surroundings. After about an hour the climbing began. I was given the knowledge yesterday that Keyafer was a little uphill but not much, I also know to never trust Ethiopian directions. After 2.5 hours of intense climbing I arrived in Keyafer. I felt like the human torch as my sweat had filled all the cracks, scrapes and cuts of my body that I didn't know existed from my crash and so I most definitely felt alive.

I passed lots of villages as I climbed through the mountains, all of them from similar tribes. The tribal people were so friendly and despite looking from a distance as they could possibly cut you up and wrap you with injera, when I cycled closer I received nothing but hellos and smiles. I got some food in Keyafer and got talking to a local boy who worked as a guide when tourists came to town but also went to school as he was only 15. Again my life was put into perspective when I asked about his family and he told me it was just him and his 11yr old sister. Here I am in a bit of a lull because I won't be seeing my niece and my family over my favourite time of the year and here he is with no role model at all, nobody to look after him and with the responsibility of caring for his sister.  Another reality check for me to push me on to my next checkpoint of Turmi.

I knew it was all downhill but the major issue was the state of the road. It wasn't a road basically, boulders, sand, corrugations and dust lay waiting for me for the next 80km. I had already cycled 40km uphill and for most people that would be enough to call it day as Keyafer was a nice little town to stop. I had an incentive of meeting the Canadian family however and I had to face the rocks at some point if I actually wanted to get out of Ethiopia!

The second I took the turning for Turmi I knew I was going to have to take things slowly and carefully and I could not afford to let my concentration slip. One hit of a stone no bigger than a snooker ball was enough to kick Nigel onto a completely different course and turning was a huge no no unless I wanted to add to yesterday's injuries. As I tried to relax my body and not tense up I knew I was in for a tough ride, the road was atrocious and dangerous and I couldn't look away from the point 2 feet ahead of me for a second.

I cycled through tribal villages that waved and said hello but I couldn't even turn my head to acknowledge them through fear of crashing. I stopped a few times to take in what was quite amazing scenery but it continued for so long, it soon got boring. Not a second went past where Nigel didn't make a noise and the terrain seemed to change every 5km from hard rock to sand with varying levels of corrugations. I would constantly be changing direction to find the least dangerous route. I would move from the left side to the right to the nearby footpath and then even to a dried out river basin that ran alongside the road for the majority of the way just to find a path that I could actually "cycle" on.

It was all very surreal, the ride could've been much much better but the fact I was cycling through tribes that I had only seen previously on TV made it a very special day. The Hamer tribe seemed the most common, that's the one where the women are sporting a similar hairstyle to a young Ruud Gullit and I can tell you one thing, they're amazing at camouflage. I would hear whistles and shouts of "hello" and stop to see where it came from but there was nobody to be seen. No point playing hide and seek with them, you'll be walking around for days!

As my frustration of endless bumps and bangs continued I knew it was a matter of time before I heard a noise that I didn't want to hear. Sure enough with just 30km to go, I heard a rubbing on my back wheel. The rack that has been patched together by parachord had finally given way and slumped slightly onto the back wheel. I could wedge a rock to prop it up and it was a fix that I could sort properly with a bit more time but my focus was getting to Turmi and a cold beer with the Canadians.

The rock worked sufficiently a few minutes at a time until a big bump would dislodge it but luckily I wasn't hard pushed to find a replacement as I battered Nigel along what was no place for a bike really. A mountain bike would've been ok but it was quite frankly dangerous to take a hybrid and not only just a hybrid, one carrying myself and 40kg of luggage!

As hours rolled on my mind was really getting tested. My body was surprisingly strong but that was probably because I wasn't cycling any faster than 8mph. My mental strength however had been focussing on the saddle constantly for 9 hours. The longest day yet and with out a doubt the most tiring. I was exhausted when I arrived in Turmi and was eager to find the Canadians after I had put such an effort in from 7:30 this morning till 6:20pm. Turmi is a small touristic village with a lot of tour guides stopping there. I asked around and none of the tour guides had seen a family of Canadians so after my epic day I resorted to finding myself another small hotel room where my battered body collapsed outside the door.

Despite feeling broken, having a broken rack and not meeting the Canadians, I was still pleased with the progress I had made. I still had a slight issue of money to sort out however. I've wanted to time my exit of Ethiopia with running out of birr as close as possible and this would've been the case if it wasn't for the extra stops I've had to make due to illness or accident. This has left me with just 10USD (190birr) which I would have no way of changing other than finding a kind local as there are no banks for miles. Thankfully as I lay exhausted outside my hotel room a kind local just happened to approach me and I knew he was a tour guide so I gambled on him being able to change my money and it paid off. I have a tiny bit of money left now and I have no clue what I will do when entering Kenya as I'm sure there will be no banks for another 200miles or so the other side. This is a problem that is not worth worrying about and if I stick to my breathe and believe philosophy then as always, I will end up ok.

After a bit of a rest outside my door I finally managed to clamber inside and unpack Nigel. The rack situation was another issue I had that I really couldn't be bothered to think about and I thought I would go for a walk to see if I could find the Canadians. A lot of tourists seemed to be heading next door to another hotel so I walked around the town and ended up there. There was no sign of them so I decided to order some food and just chill. I waited ages for my spaghetti and during that time there was a power cut so I ended up sitting outside and eating in pitch darkness. I had left my torch back at my room and so whatever I ate, it tasted good and its not been the first time I've eaten in Africa with little or no light at all and I'm sure it won't be the last, its the African way I guess!

After dinner, a man with a torch approached me. His name was Andre and he noticed me from earlier on in the day and so he came over to chat. He had a tour guide and was going to Omorate tomorrow and offered me a lift. I did not take him up on his offer straight away but he left it open for me and just told me to meet him at 7am at his truck if I wanted to.

I went back to my room to weigh up my options. I had to be realistic, the road from Turmi to Omorate was 70km of much the same rocks and rubble. Unrideable for most bikes and would certainly not be an enjoyable experience for bike or body. Was there any point in endangering myself another day? I made the decision that I would get up early and join Andre and use the day to fix the rack and prepare for a 50km push through sand to the Kenyan border and then whatever else waited for me after that!

When I made that decision in my head, my gut immediately felt better. Thankfully the bed just contained myself and one or two bugs so I could sleep easily after what had been a mammoth day overall. I'm not going to lie, I was pretty disappointed not to see the Canadians again after the effort I had put in but I am a true believer of everything happening for a reason and if I hadn't of walked around looking for them then I would've never of met Andre and got a lift to Omorate! 

I will take this as a wee early Christmas present. I still have a long way to go though, after all, I'm still in Ethiopia!!!

Crashing the Christmas party

Saturday 21st December

I woke up with another mosquito net but unfortunately i looked more like a sweaty castaway caught in an old fishing net then an angel emerging from heaven. Last night was hot and sticky and my mosquito net stunk and had huge holes in, so a comfortable night sleep it was not.

I seriously lacked motivation this morning. I've had this phase for about a week or so, probably since I left Addis. I know I'm always going to get some hard times and its specifically the time of the year but that doesn't stop me from thinking that I'm not really living to enjoy this ride. In footballing terms, coaches and pundits would describe it as "going through the motions." 

I've tried so many things to keep me strong and they've worked but just enough to get me through a day at most or as I've said before, enough to "survive." Nobody said this ride was going to be easy and Ethiopia especially has taken a lot out of me but to keep me going for today at least, I asked for some kind of lift. I asked for something to happen that would change my lack of motivation. In the past its been the people I've spoken to, the things I've seen or the generosity I've received. Sometimes just writing this blog helps but today it was something quite different, quite different indeed.

I left the hotel at around 9am and within minutes I was in the thick of the mountains. I must've packed Nigel  in auto pilot because I blinked as I was midway up a climb and it seemed to me that only seconds ago I was collapsed in a mess back at the hotel. It's like that feeling I'm sure we all get sometimes when we arrive at a common destination like work or home and don't really know how we got there. Anything could've happened between then and now, red traffic lights, random conversations etc well for me it would be more like crazy goats and chasing kids but either way, this morning started with me "going through the motions."

I'm taking this particular route based on the recommendation from 3 separate cyclists. It's longer and harder than the main road but today proved yet again that the harder, longer trails, more often than not, provide the best results. Today, the scenery was simply breathtaking and normally I tell myself how good it is whilst riding, today I couldn't find the words. (That's how beautiful it was) I was really in a land that not many people get the chance to see. The rolling hills with their staggered plantations were hand worked and you knew that every inch of the land had been tireless slaved over for generations. I was cycling up and down with shear amazement, I was taking things steady and enjoying every minute of it despite not knowing where I was going to end up and how long it would take me.

As i cycled through the tiny wooden villages, the people were wearing less clothes and some had more tribal attire (instead of the football shirt tribes, arsenal and chelsea being the most common) this gave me a real sense of wilderness that I was lapping up. Their reactions were different as well. The majority still shouted "you you you" " where you go" and "hilan hilan" but some now, especially the kids, were scared to see me. Some women that I put my hand up to wave to flinched or screamed in shock.

I'm not blaming this on Beirdre, I'm saying these people must very rarely see someone like myself. There were a few tour cars driving past but the locals wouldn't see them as much as they would only get out to take pictures. The presence of these tour cars made me feel a lot happier. It's not that I talk to them or spend any time with them it just gets very hard sometimes being the only tourist and on the bike especially, things can get very overpowering. Knowing that these tours were going to or coming from my intended destination just helped me with a bit of comfort and who knows, I may even stop at the same hotel as one of them!

As I continued to steadily eat up the hills and guzzle down the downslopes, I came to the crest of a hill where two tour cars had stopped to take pictures. The view was stunning and it made it even better that I could have an English conversation with some people about it. I met a family of 5, David, Joanna, Claire, Elise and Philip. I spoke to the dad David first and the realisation of getting that extra boost that I asked for this morning in the shape of 5 friendly Canadians really hit me emotionally and I found myself cracking. I held it together though as I'm sure in the "how to" book of first impressions, it tells you not to cry.

The family were lovely and we spoke for a while about what each other were doing etc. They were going to be in Turmi for two days which meant I could meet them if all went to plan on their second day. I didn't really know distances but I knew I was going to be passing through Turmi and knew there couldn't be much of Ethiopia left for me to cycle! We left with this as a possible plan and providing all went well with myself and Nigel, I had a nice target to aim for.

As I began my descent I felt the spring back in my step and could enjoy the scenery even more. Little boosts like that and the ones I've mentioned before have got me this far and will continue to get me to my goal I'm sure. They don't last long though and I knew I couldn't make Turmi in a day so I still needed things to develop and a mindset to contain. 

The descent was winding and the road changed widths at will. I had to be careful as I had no idea what lurked around each corner or how tight each turn would be. As I picked up speed but nothing too crazy, I did well to manoeuvre past a huge herd of cattle and goats. The further down the hill I got, the more animals spread across the road. I took one corner well after moving out the way of a rogue cow and as I exited the left hand corner, the right hand side of the road turned to gravel. The road was very good but loose gravel sat on top of it turned it into a guaranteed bike buster. 

I had nowhere to go and no choice but to take the hit. As the front wheel completely slipped away from underneath me I crashed onto the road spectacularly. I was probably doing about 30mph and myself and Nigel stayed attached as we slid a good 20 metres down the rough tarmac. The bags went flying, like a well designed crash dummy vehicle. My left arm and hand took the majority of the hit, followed by left knee and ankle. I lay there on the ground for a good 30 seconds checking all my vital organs and all Nigel's. Thankfully there were no cars coming either way and the kid that had her hand out begging just before I KO'd had skilfully side stepped out the way.

My water bottle had split on impact so water went everywhere and then continued to pour down the road, I was ok and at first glance the rack had survived and Nigel seemed ok. I eventually picked myself up and collected all the bags that were scattered behind me. My camera was in the handlebar bag and unfortunately took a big hit. It works, but not all the time, I'm gutted about that. The chain had come off so when I put him back on it was clear to see that the gear selector had taken a hit. This was also clear to hear as it ticked all the way and combining this with the spokes chinking and my bones clicking I had a right old one man band going on as I wobbled to the nearest town.

Luckily, after my stop with the Canadians, I knew the town wasn't far so I nursed noisy Nigel and my battered body about 15km to Woito. It took me minutes after the crash to work out that meeting the Canadians was not the change in motivation that I needed, it was the crash. 

Now I'm not that messed in the head that I need to put myself through pain to feel things but recently my lack of motivation has been coupled with the fact my life doesn't feel real. Here I am in a completely different world, doing something that isn't exactly ordinary and all the time my family life and lives of friends are changing without me being there to experience it. This is a pretty strange feeling and makes me think that for the duration of this ride, I don't really have a stable "place" which can sometimes feel that I don't have a life. 

Feeling pain and seeing blood gave me a massive check that I am human, what I'm doing is real and that my journey isn't about just "surviving" I'm actually living it. Unfortunately this lesson has come at the cost of a fully operational camera and gearset but I thank God that this is the only cost. 

This notion may seem odd to people but you can only really understand what's it like to do what I'm doing if you do it yourself. It truly is an experience unlike anything else.

I found a nice rest stop at Woito that had rooms for truckers. I decided it was probably best to get some lunch, patch myself up, patch Nigel up and probably by that time I would be better off calling it a day. This was indeed the case as Nigel took a lot of time to sort out and its fair to say that his gears are stuffed. I've adjusted them so that for the majority of the gears I use, he doesn't make a noise but a couple of mm of chain movement from one way to the other and he's shake, rattling and rolling like an extra in "Grease."

My left glove and left shoe have nice war scars and the shoes will probably need to be changed but I will get to Nairobi first and see if I can find somewhere that can repair bikes and cyclists.

After a little wander around the town and a dinner of pasta, tomato sauce and bread, I thought it was a good idea to call it day and see if I can get up early tomorrow to still make it to Turmi. It's around 120km but I'm unsure of the state of the road so I will hopefully make it if I start early enough. I'm pretty sure my bruised body will think otherwise come the morning but my cuts and busted ankle will only remind me that I am alive, and what I'm doing is really happening!

Keeping Kons-tant

Friday 20th December

I've said it before and i'll say it again, there is something quite heavenly about waking up in a bed with a mosquito net. My sleep was heavenly as well so I'm going to get one when I get back for sure.

For breakfast I had what the Ethiopians call cookies. They are like fortune cookies but doughier and the batch I bought yesterday were quite soft. The fact they're deep fried means they have a strange after taste similar to chicken strips and probably possess no nutritional goodness at all but I'm just happy they're going in and staying in!

A good start to the riding today. The first 15 miles or so were smooth, happy and trouble free. I stopped on the roadside to see what some tourists were looking at. They had got out their truck and the tour guide was pointing at something so I stopped to say hello. They were taking pictures of an elephant tree that had very beautiful flowers. If they had been a little quicker they would've spotted a huge group of monkeys/baboons that I had to stop for to let cross the road. I say monkey/baboons because they seem too big to be monkeys but they probably are, I'm not very good with my primates. 

I hate doing it but I always end up asking how far to my destination and what the road condition is like. The tour guide said 60km and said the road was excellent...he lied. I suppose asking these two questions depends solely on whether the person is positive or negative and establishing what they class as a "good road." 

Judging by the tour guide's greeting and his all in one tie die Bob Marley outfit I would take him as edging on the positive side of life and because he's Ethiopian I would take his perception of a road as being any surface that takes you from A to B. Taking this into account I will take back my "he lied" comment and say instead that the man was spot on if you expect a road to be gravel and dust with added piles of rock.

Again my progress was reduced to walking pace as I zig zagged back and forth in search of the least rockiest route. The road was an absolute bike and back breaker and one of my pannier clips broke off as I hit a bump. Simple things such as road condition can really turn your good mood the other way and as you turn each corner you find yourself praying to see some tarmac in the distance. Unfortunately for a good 20miles all I saw in the distance was clouds of dust from speeding trucks. It's just another thing that you don't realise you take for granted until you're bumping up and down and slamming the brakes on to avoid potholes.

Eventually the road came good again (perhaps the tour guide just forgot about the gravelly section) and it was actually so good that I made really good progress. Throughout the whole ride the kids were asking for my hilan. (Water bottle) I had a plastic bottle strapped to the back of Nigel and for pretty much the whole day, kids were all about the hilan. By the afternoon I had had enough and finished the bottle and gave it to a kid thinking this would stop the constant begging...it didn't, they wanted my ones as well.

My destination of Konso was situated on a hill which gave my tired legs one last challenge before i finished my 60 miles but I was happy that I didn't have to stop once the whole day (there wasn't really anywhere to stop!) I arrived at around 2pm which gave me a bit of time to chill and then find a good hotel. I decided to stay at the St Mary's Hotel, I'm not going to lie, it was the name that did it. The price was right as well and I got the same as last night but for half the price. 

The people seemed a lot nicer than Arba Minch and Soddo which made me more inclined to sit outside for longer and enjoy dinner. Finding dinner was a mission in itself though. The first restaurant just did plain pasta, the second place was just a hotel despite it saying it had a bar/restaurant on the sign, the third restaurant was under construction and only did injera and vegetables so in the end I walked a full circle around the town and ate back at my hotel where the selection was just as atrocious as the first place. I ended up with bread, omelette and chips. The bread was average at best and the omelette and chips were nicely drenched with oil so its fair to say that today's overall culinary delights have been pretty horrendous.

I don't think I will have the "choice" of a restaurant for the next few days so I'm actually looking forward to cooking my own noodles! Konso, like many of my Ethiopian stops, is another town with nothing much to it. By sunset I was ready to go back to my room and I'm really now just begging for Kenya. I still have some very interesting and hard sections of Ethiopia to finish however and by the time I reach Kenya I would've been a month in Ethiopia!

I went back to my bed that I was pleased to see had a mosquito net but the heavenliness was tarnished somewhat by the bugs that I could feel jumping from one leg to the other.

Food for thought

Thursday 19th December

I woke up today with a plan to do nothing but await whatever movements my body decided to treat me with. When I'm on the pills I feel fine but just have absolutely no energy which is so frustrating. I had a good sleep and didn't even feel like getting out of bed till gone 11. It's very annoying feeling ok but knowing that if i were to start riding, i would only last a few hours before I collapse into a bush.

Today I just had to sit it out. I played on my phone, listened to music, dreamt up more adventures, thought about what would be my first meal when I'm back and sung some songs. I did pretty much what I normally do each day but sat on a bed instead of on Nigel. I have many first meals if you're wondering and the actual first one all depends on when I get back. The meals range from KFC, 

anything from my local favourite restaurant "Ham Farm" or a decent cheese sandwich with steak flavoured McCoys. I will also be having a Christmas dinner when I get back as I need to put some weight back on so there's no reason why I can't fit all four of these meals in in one day.

I tried to drink a lot and eat a lot today to get some stomach movements and flush out some badness but all I got in reply was a lot of bubbles and noises. The pills are working well but so did the others, its when I finish the 5 day course, that's when I'll know if I'm good again. My food choices today have to be the worst yet. I chose bread and peanut butter from quite a well stocked little supermarket in an attempt to stay away from anything cooked. Unfortunately the bread was sweaty and cement-like and so too was the peanut butter! The peanut butter had a beautiful after taste like cardboardy wallpaper paste and so I will not be taking it with me to Kenya. The chocolate bourbons on the other hand were delightful, expensive but a necessary buy due to the atrocious dinner.

On top of all the splendid food, I have a hydration salt solution to wash it all down with. It tastes just like seawater with a slight lemony after taste. I owe huge apologies to my body as when I'm on the bike I'm putting it through hell and when I'm off the bike, I'm filling it up with worse!

That was pretty much it for the day. Arba Minch has nothing to offer a man who I bed bound. There were tours available to natural springs but quite frankly that's the last thing I wanted to do.

A boring day but a necessary one if I'm going to progress in this ride with any enjoyment.

Chariots of Ire

Wednesday 18th December

The morning started ok, I felt ok, the weather was ok and the road was ok. Things then got better as I cycled to the crest of a hill, i overlooked a lake and could see that for at least a couple of miles I had a downhill with good tarmac ahead of me.

What is it about body's of water? Cycling seems so much more enjoyable when you're cycling alongside a lake or the sea for some reason. I was really enjoying myself but I knew I had to stop for breakfast fairly soon as I didn't want to burn out. I stopped at a little village called Humbo. It was a standard cafe and with no English spoken I went for the safety of dabo and tibs. Meat and bread basically, they gave me injera as well which I only had a little bit of and they constantly kept walking up to me with different spices and powders, I think they were trying to ruin my insides!

After breakfast the good cycling continued but it didn't take long before I was delayed by roadworks. If you think English roadworks are annoying, you haven't seen anything until you've been to Africa. They don't close one lane and work on the other, noooo, the whole road has to be taken up and turned to rubble and dust and this can't be a section at a time either, this is 5 miles at a time!

Rubble and dust is not ideal terrain for a heavy Nigel so my excellent progress was slowed to almost a walking pace. I made about 40 miles until the road works and I carried on for another 15 until I started to feel really rough. I don't know whether it was just tiredness, heat, dodgy tibs or the constant bumps but my stomach was aching a lot and I began to feel very dizzy.

I chose to have a rest in the shade, I was 20 miles from my destination so I thought a nap may sort me out and it was best I tried to avoid the 2 o'clock heat. Unfortunately for me I was in baboon and hyena country and as I sat by the bushes on the roadside I saw a huge baboon strutting out from the undergrowth. It was probably not the best place to hang around but I really didn't feel well. It seemed my stomach issues that I rested in Shashemene for, had never really gone away and my course of pills that I have finished didn't actually kill the bug, they just made it sleep a day.

After 5 minutes of laying down I threw up. I threw up a lot as well and once again all the water that I have been so careful to take in to stay hydrated was now splattered on the roadside. A couple of minutes later it was the other end, at least my body times its exits consecutively and not simultaneously! One solid, one slurry, 3 water, all in the space of 10 minutes. It took around 15 minutes for me to turn from tired cyclist to the living dead. I collapsed roadside again, I've been here before I thought, it was the Sudanese desert all over again!

Weak, dizzy and surrounded by bodily fluids that attracted a multitude of rare bugs I have never seen before, I lay exhausted on the roadside. To their supreme credit, every car, van and lorry driving past stopped to see if I was ok. One man got out with a bottle of water, I couldn't guarantee that the water was safe so he just put it on the back of my neck. That brought back memories of getting a footballing injury when I was a kid. Didn't matter if you had broken your arm (which I had) na, just put a cold sponge on the back of your neck and get back out there.

I welcomed the water but turned down the offer of a ride to Arba Minch. I knew it was less than 20 miles so I thought if I rested a bit then I would give it a go later and see how I was. I couldn't rest, my stomach was cramping and I couldn't get any water in me because it only resulted in two more squats. I decided to start riding and it became immediately apparent that there was no way I was going to do it. My legs were like finished toilet rolls, weak and hollow and I couldn't summon the energy to lift my head let alone push pedals. I got off and began to push Nigel up the hill. The heat still beating and body shaking, I didn't know how long I was going to last so the next pick up that drove in my direction was getting flagged down. I wasn't far from Arba Minch, this had to be done.

Luckily for me, only 5 minutes had past when a Toyota pick up with 5 guys in pulled up. The driver, Wendimo was going to Arba Minch and kindly let me jump on the flatbed. My ride is called "a ride for their lives" and what I didn't know was that the next hour would be a ride for my life on a completely different mode of transport but just as memorable.

The remainder of the road happened to be all roadworks, that meant rubble, potholes and dust for 15 miles or so. Wendimo turned out to be an Ethiopian Rally driver champion or at least he thought he was and I found out a few interesting things about surviving on the back of a flatbed on African "roads." If I was worried about the possibility of following through due to my lack of strength and unstable bowels then I had a little more to deal with as Wendimo literally took off over some ramps and skidded his way sideways around corners. 

I started sitting and holding on but for fear of shattering my coccyx into bone particles, I adorned the "spider" or "crab" position. This lasted for as long as my skinny arms could handle the G-Forces for, about 5 minutes. I then evolved into the "frog" position which worked well until cramp set in and the bumps almost busted both knees on impact.

Mid way through, Wendimo stopped in a small town for some fruit where the truck was completely bombarded with kids and women with bowls of mangos. I collapsed exhausted in the back of the truck and despite my apologies of "no money" that didn't stop about 50 locals basically climbing onto the truck. Two very kind women just gave me a mango each. I've never actually eaten a fresh mango and so it took a while for them to explain that I don't eat the skin. After mastering this, I was all set for the next stage of the rally of Arba Minch but now I had an extra task - trying to eat a mango. 

Wendimo looked back at his rear view mirror and gave me the thumbs up before we pulled away again. I guess this was as if to say, "you still alive? yeah? good, not for long!" I gave him the thumbs up back and tried to find a comfortable position where I could complete all tasks in hand - surviving and eating.

As if holding on for dear life wasn't hard enough for me, I decided to try and eat officially the most stickiest fruit I have ever had the pleasure of eating on the back of a truck. At least with all this going on, my mind was taken off the possibility/likelihood of soiling Wendemo's Toyota.

So, frog position it was with foot slightly jammed under one of Nigel's wheels to prevent him from slipping around. One hand on front roll bar and one hand to manoeuvre a ridiculously sticky piece of fruit around my mouth. What's with the stone in the middle? By the time I had ripped the skin off with my teeth, I had about 5mm of fleshy goodness before I came up against a stone the size of a cricket ball in the middle. The mango flesh stuck to it like a sea anenomie so to save time and messy fingers I just shoved the whole thing in my mouth and went hands free from the fruit so I could concentrate on holding onto the truck.

My knees couldn't take too many more massive hits as we collided with every pothole with the upmost precision, so I resorted to standing and ducking behind the cabin when the dust got too much. I figured if we crashed or flipped then getting thrown from the vehicle was probably better anyway and I would just try to relax on impact to reduce the amount of broken bones I would sustain. I felt like Charlton Heston riding an African chariot and if the locals gave me funny looks previously when I just cycled through their village, imagine what they thought when they saw a dusty, hairy faced man riding on the back of a Toyota whilst sucking on a huge mango!

I felt rough as anything but I had to laugh. This would be my Christmas parade through the streets of southern Ethiopia as I waved my mango hands and smiled my mango face at the locals. Amazingly they still asked the same questions, "where you go?" As we got into the town centre of Arba Minch I got some very funny looks, one in particular from another white man that must've had so many unanswered questions for me. I jumped off and checked everything was still attached to Nigel and that all my limbs were still attached to me. I have learnt a lot from that brief truck ride. Firstly, Wendimo is a mentalist. Secondly, mangos are less messy and more effective when they're juiced and thirdly, my legs make exceptional shock absorbers.

We stopped by a hotel so I gave Wendimo some money to say thank you for not going the whole hog and actually killing me and I staggered over to the hotel. I have not had much luck with prices recently and when you are tired you don't really care what they say, you just want to lie down. I was yet again in this all to familiar state but I needed a toilet for sure so opted for the 2nd best of the three options that gave me a toilet and shower.

Previously I have paid more for the "luxury" of a shower and toilet but neither had had water so the shower didn't work and the toilet didn't flush. In the past I have let it slide and moved on but today I wasn't really in the mood for the constant excuses and false promises that the Ethiopians love to give. I changed some money and walked to the pharmacy to get more pills and toothpaste. This was a mission in itself and whilst spirits were high I caught my reflection in a car window and I could've easily been an extra in Dawn of the Dead. "Dragged through a bush backwards" didn't cut it, I looked positively zombiefied which actually made me laugh more than cry.

I returned back to my hot, sticky, smelly (granted it was my smell from the toilet but the fact the sink stopped the toilet door from closing didn't help contain the smell) mosquito infested hotel room where I collapsed for a few hours on the trade mark comfy bed. After a few hours I felt a bit better and had a few gripes with the manager that had promised the water would be on soon. 

Today I was not going to let it slip, today of all days I was going to let this manager know exactly what I thought of overpricing, lazy, false promising, discriminating Ethiopian Hotel Managers that I have had the displeasure of meeting recently. "If there is no shower and no toilet, I am not paying twice as much" I said, making it very clear to him that I had enough of having to pay extra for a utility that doesn't work. "It will come on in a few hours" he said, yeah that's great, ill wake up at 1am to have a freezing cold shower I thought! "If there is no shower and no toilet, I'm not paying twice as much" i repeated myself just to be sure he understood. "why?" he said. this man was really trying me. I packed up my things as he tried to run around to fix the shower. Hotel workers think its perfectly fine for you not to have something for hours and after you've complained and waited for so long that you've given up caring about it, they'll turn on the tap and say "see, working!" They don't believe in refunds so I was never going to pay him from the start unless I saw water come from the tap.

I got Nigel packed up and despite it being dark outside I had to follow through with my decision to leave. The manager had the cheek to stop me and try and charge me for the 4 hours that I stayed in his room waiting for him to sort the water. I pointed over to his best rooms, "how much are they?" "365" he said. "And how much do you charge the Ethiopians?" I said. He stupidly told me, "240." "Well I will pay that then for one of them" I thought that was fair considering the trouble he had caused me and he was trying to charge me 200 for a room with basically a bed and the bonus condom wrapper that I found down the side of the bed as I left. "No, you are not Ethiopian" that was the nail in the very tired and fed up coffin, I had to leave. 

I knew there was another hotel over the road, I was just praying they still had a room as all the truckers had arrived. Thankfully they did, the truckers were all in the good rooms so I was given exactly the same room as the last hotel but this time it did have water and it was cheaper. 

An eventful ending to an eventful day. Ethiopia is starting to get on my nerves if I'm honest. Well more specifically, illness in Ethiopia. I'm pretty sure the illness never really left, it just lay dormant and the dodgy tibs I had for breakfast just rekindled the flame as I have never thrown up before today. 

Its best i rest a day and see what happens so my target for Christmas has taken me a day back to another town closer which maybe just as good. At the end of the day, I haven't a Scooby Doo about any of the towns in Kenya so I can't really be annoyed about not making it to a certain one for Christmas, its not like I'm meeting anyone!

I will stay one extra day in Arba Minch, I have 5 days on this medicine  which WILL get me to Kenya and whether or not these ones work, at least I will be in another country!

 I'm always happy at the end of each day when I'm safe and Nigel is ok but it seems recently I've been surviving and not living. I just want to live a day and enjoy the ride instead of ride a day and enjoy surviving!

Beg to differ

Tuesday 17th December

I tried to set away earlier than usual today as I knew I would be cycling at least 120km and wasn't sure of the terrain. I felt probably the best I have done for some time but I still have a horrible stomach ache as if there is a ball inside of it that bounces every time I ride over a bump.

As a result of this, I was feeling pretty rough during the first hour or so as the road was pitted and I couldn't even meander to find a flat path. The kids were playing up also and i had more begging and chasing than ever today. A few adults let me down as well and begged in front of the kids also. Adults begging annoys me more than anything and it was the males especially today. The guy begging whilst riding past me on a motorbike was almost laughable but it annoyed me a lot today because today I noticed a lot of men doing absolutely nothing other than trying to make me feel sorry for them. In contrast, I saw a lot of the women slaving away in the fields and carrying more back breaking amounts of wood and crops. 

When I was in Addis, Jonas mentioned something to me that could explain what I noticed today. He said a lot of Ethiopians are lazy due to the good weather and because its always quite warm its hard to get work motivation. I can understand this despite us not having this issue in England but when the sun does rarely arrive so too do sick calls to the boss.

The weather should not be an excuse though and today I got pretty annoyed with a few men especially. I needed a break to reset and start my good mood again but first I had to make sense of my rubbish map. My map showed a left turn that I had to make to save me cycling quite a few extra miles. As I stopped to try and work out where the left turning should be I was quickly surrounded by a lot of locals. None of them spoke English but all of them insisted the town I wanted to get to (shone) was straight and not left. 

I went with their direction and ignored my map and my compass that for some reason is showing north as south (I'm close to the equator, but not that close to confuse it!) and sure enough I arrived in the little town of Shone where I stopped in a cafe garden to grab some lunch. It took around 1 minute for someone to invite me to sit with them and so I accepted and ate bread with 5 others. I didn't want more injera and was having issues explaining soup so ended up with just plain bread and water. The five guys were great company though and a couple of them spoke good English. 

They all worked in organisations that help either children or adults with life difficulties and they were all on their 2 hour lunch break. The conversation was funny, typically ranging from football to women and then got deeper with jobs and life. I could see I hit a chord with one of them in particular as emotions showed when I told him about my life philosophy of "breathe and believe" and even though we only spoke for an hour or so, it was clear that all the guys were on the complete opposite ends of the scale to the guys that had annoyed me this morning.

As lunch finished, we exchanged contacts and in true football form my day of two halves had changed completely and I left the cafe in a great mood. The rest of the ride consisted of singing, laughing, smiling and screaming. (good screaming that is, most villages are situated at the bottom of a downslope and when there's a crowd of people and livestock in the middle of a village road I humour myself by screaming "my brakes!!! my brakes!!!" They don't understand what I'm saying but they soon get out the way!) 

I arrived in Sodo at half 4 and the guys from Shone told me to go to Nega Hotel. It was nice but a bit too pricey (I also had to be very careful in how I said it whilst asking for directions to where it was) The high price did not seem justified though as Sodo was hardly Monaco! It was pretty run down and not at all as nice as some other towns. I cycled around a bit more and found a slightly cheaper Hotel. My room was an Ethiopian mile better than my Rift Valley hotel room in Shashemene but I'm going to stay for just one night here as I have 7 more days till Christmas and 7 more exciting adventures to complete.

Another early ish morning tomorrow I think as I have another 100+km day to do, so food, movie and hopefully a good night sleep are in order.

What to expect in Ethiopia.

Monday 16th December

After a pretty sleepless night of general grogginess I decided that I would stay one more night and then really look to leave on Tuesday. The plan today was to change a tiny amount of money for the remainder of my time in Ethiopia and then kick the cold to bits by drinking lots of water, eating "safe" fruit and doing absolutely nothing.

As the majority of the day was taken up with watching movies and daydreaming, I got to thinking about things that happen everyday in Ethiopia that wouldn't in England. The differences are obviously huge but here are some things that people thinking about coming here will just have to get used to basically. 

People:

They like to shout at you or whistle at you. This takes a lot of getting used to as I personally don't like being whistled or shouted at but it can be quite funny sometimes. It's annoying when you stop to ask what the matter is and they either say something in Amharic that you don't understand or they just say "you you you" or "where you go" as if they have Tourette's. I'm told though, that it's the Ethiopian way and they just like to practice their one English sentence, so mastering a "deaf ear" and not replying to absolutely everyone will save you lots of time and hassle.

The people say "yes" to everything so you have to ask questions and point in directions that you think are the wrong way in order to get a different reaction. The chances of this happening are still very low as I wasted 20 minutes walking to a bakery that at least 5 different people said "yes" to my direction and I ended up at a hotel. They just don't listen basically and speaking in Amharic doesn't help either. Your best bet is to ensure you're in a good mood before you try and explain that you have no hot water or you don't want olives in your dinner as things could get repetitive and if you're like me, gestures will get louder and more animated! (that's what travelling is all about I guess!)

This being said, be prepared for social interaction as only knowing 3 English words will not stop Ethiopians coming up and talking to you and sitting down next to you. They are very friendly and it is very hard to get annoyed with them because of this. Smile and nod is a great reply to any conversation that they try and spark up. You never know, you may find a funny one that you can understand and it may lighten your day!

Service:

The service I have experienced has been pretty horrendous by English standards but the Ethiopian culture is to take ages, not communicate with you at all if they don't have something you asked for and generally be quite poor. It seems the people you meet in the streets at random would be the best at working in customer service but unfortunately they don't, instead its the guys that have been trained by sloth mutes that are the ones you end up constantly looking for as you've sat at your table of food for half an hour waiting for your drink.

Hotels

When I say I've been staying in hotels, this maybe misconstrued as I've been living a  life of luxury for the last 3 weeks. This is far from the case and the prices are all relative but even the best hotels I've stayed in have been off the mark. Water (hot and cold) and electricity should not be taken for granted, (that comes with the country) and neither should Internet or an English TV channel when you get that luxury. The truth is that you'll probably get more enjoyment out of a really terrible hotel that you expect nothing more than the low price you pay compared to the expensive hotel that lures you in and only disappoints you.

Livestock:

If you don't like animals and more specifically farming animals then you may not enjoy the streets of Ethiopia or Africa in general. Donkeys, horses, cows and goats are just as common as cars as they're obviously used for transport (donkeys and horses that is) so If you're scared of any of them for whatever reason then probably leave Africa off the "to do" list. Equally if you really really love these animals to the point you get affected when they're whipped then be prepared to get upset. It's just the way it is unfortunately.

Food:

I haven't been to many other African countries to compare but if you ask me, Traditional Ethiopian food is built around the same base which makes it very hard to show variety. Other people have said that Ethiopia has a lot of variety compared to other African countries so I may be in for a shock later but its quite hard to get past Injera when you find yourself in a restaurant in Ethiopia. They also loves green chillis and if you find a meal without injera, it will be a miracle if it doesn't have green chillis as well. Due to this, almost everything will make your nose run or at least leave a burning sensation on your lips and tongue. The food isn't going to kill you though, you may feel like your going to die sometimes but you've got to try everything once, or in the case of injera, try it once with everything!

Reading this back may sound negative but it is not written in this same emotion. I am simply stating the way I've experienced a few things and this why we travel. Travelling and learning about different cultures helps to broaden our minds. This in turn helps us to be more grateful for what we have and to realise things that we can improve on about our lives. 

I particularly like the Ethiopian greeting, to older people especially. A common greeting is to shake hands with the right hand and touch right shoulders. It shows a closeness and a brotherhood that echoes the true closeness experienced in African childhood and upbringing. When greeting an older person you shake hands with the right hand and the younger person supports their right elbow with their left hand. It shows a level of respect to the elderly which I like. A few of the teenage lads did it to me which made me laugh. Beirdre makes them think that I'm in my forties (which I don't think is old enough to warrant a special handshake) but I think if a teenager does it to somebody retired then the show of respect is good to acknowledge in the same way you give up your seat on a bus for the elderly.

So there you have just a few things to expect if you ever want to visit this very beautiful and diverse country. Ethiopia also have their own calendar and timing. Christmas is celebrated on the 7th January which is why I need to bust a gut to celebrate it when I normally do on the 25th December. Their daily timing is different also. As we are so close to the equator, the times of sunrise and sunset doesn't really change massively throughout the year. Therefore, at sunrise its 12 o'clock and sunset its 12 o'clock. Midday for Ethiopians is 6 o'clock so when you ask what the time is and they reply with 3 o'clock, you just have to add 6 or if you want to embrace their lifestyle, take it as 3 hours of sunlight and you have 9 left!

All that thinking tired me out so I had dinner, watched a few movies and then went to bed. Due to my extra day off I have a mad rush now to get to Kenya, and a decent place for Christmas. 8 days and around 900km to cover will get me to a town that i hope will be nice. I really have no idea (just like with everywhere i end up) but it should be fun trying to get there and I'm ready for it!